Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML
Today, my date got a cold before our date and accidentally took medicine that makes you drowsy before we went out. Two glasses of red later to calm her nerves, she yelled at a waiter, threw her shoe at the chef, then passed out on the table. I’m going to marry this girl, just you watch. FML
Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
Today, I went on a first date. She got plastered within the first hour, then a song came on in the restaurant and she told me, "This song's about meeeeee." FML
Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML
Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML
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Top comments
Liamj774 36
She sure sounds like a keeper
Earths_Venus 25
'Check please' or 'check if she's still breathing please'?
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Comments (86)
boredgirl_02 14
I have a coworker that starts acting tipsy after a sip... She is a tiny thing but in my opinion it's all in her head. Some people can't handle one type of alcohol, so maybe wine does it to her.
Fas4wd 13
She might've been drinking beforehand.
mister_icicle 17
Why do you look like a blackberry, anyway? Seems like a far stretch of the imagination without supporting details.
EazyE1131 2
Lol second date aye
DoubleDosexo 12
I'm 16 and even I can drink more than her. I have to drink a whole bottle of champagne by myself to slur my words. never tried wine. never passed out from being "drunk"
Sassie8810 9
I'm not so sure that's something to be bragging about.
iwadasn 33
If you're drinking that much by yourself just for the sake of getting drunk, you have a serious problem, especially if you're only 16. I hope for your sake that you're just lying because impressing strangers on the internet is important to you.
Chezzlova 5
This is actually kinda cute.
melisa_hope 9
I would have walked and left her drunk butt with the check
Food2Abs 13
Maybe she was a little buzzed before the date...
trey600rr 22
jackpot!
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I'm confused - is your biggest gripe here that she's a lightweight who can't handle alcohol? If so, YDI for being shallow. Not everyone drinks heavily, if at all, but that's no reason to not like them. Of course, she could have refused the wine...too many unknown factors here.
TallMist 32
I agree with you and don't see why it's being thumbed down. Some people just can't handle alcohol. That's not a reason to dislike someone. And before anyone says that she shouldn't be drinking, perhaps it was her first time, or one of her first few times, trying to drink.