Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, I went on my first date in months. It was going well until the waiter brought our drinks. I went to take a sip of my cocktail, but I misjudged the size of the glass and the stupid paper straw, and spilled it all over myself. The waiter said, “Well, at least it’s not a first date curse,” and I replied, “Oh, it definitely is.” It was, because I doubt I'll be seeing her again. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl in a bar with a magic trick. Instead of pulling a coin from behind her ear, I accidentally flicked her glasses straight into her pint of lager. She was far from impressed. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, I went on a first date and laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted. I tried to play it cool, laughed harder, snorted again, and then knocked over my drink. The waiter brought napkins and said, “Happens all the time.” To me, yes, it does. FML
Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML
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Top comments
optimusprime0069 8
Did it taste better the second time?
Sunny_Eclipse 6
Who cares about what the date says, OP? To impress her, be yourself. But, yeah, you do sorta deserve it.
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Comments (70)
optimusprime0069 8
Did it taste better the second time?
HowAreYouToday 34
Nah. The second time, the beer tasted of failure and embarrassment.
Iamnotmyself 17
Hope for a puke fetish !
Keyman1212 14
Girls who are impressed by beer drinking aren't worth your time.
DaFudge 6
Your trying to hard.
hellbilly205 17
Way to hold your alchohol...
maybeeiwill 11
And she just wanted to take advantage of you... Way to blow it...
LouisianaBob 9
impress her with your vodka drinking
MareNostrum 0
too*
Quasar55_fml 18
Vomiting : twice the taste, zero the calories ! What else ?
fatgirllovesfml 0
Shes so sweet, marry her!
je_suis_fml 11
be yourself and lose the babe...
DaySetsFire 2
When you puked did you cry and tell her "this is what you did to me?"
leader0011 5
You fail, but thanks for trying.
Deathhound 27
Haha, nice question here! =D
ledstratdak 0
chug ever clear. be a man
madaoxsan 9
agreed. and I noticed that most of the gals who make comments like that about being slow drinkers or not drinking enough, usually turn out to be lushes to like to sleep with guys while drunk but always inevitably blame it on their drinking (habit)...which is usually a regular thing (habit). But this is just my experience, it's not a "rule", per se. ;]
Sunny_Eclipse 6
Who cares about what the date says, OP? To impress her, be yourself. But, yeah, you do sorta deserve it.
shoopd 19
But, yeah, you do deserve it. Fixed that for ya!
Jesus_Christ69 0
Was that really necessary? ^ He had perfect grammar the whole way through and then you corrected him on say sorta? Sorta is a word dumbass.
cptmorgan6 8
I don't think he was trying to correct him more so agree with him.
amayasoma 19
Obviously he was correcting. He said "Fixed that for ya!" Why else would he say that?
MD_DILF 4
fixed what dumbass...this is an informal forum
Sunny_Eclipse 6
Don't be wise, 12.
chuymac 3
Grammar Nazis don't take slang in consideration although that's how most Americans talk. We say sorta not sort of same with everything that ends with an "ing" we drop the "g", but whatever
xXshadowrollerXx 6
I'm pretty sure 12 was correcting him by saying he doesn't "sorta" deserve it, he definitely deserves it. Basically, saying that OP deserves all of what he got, rather than it being partially his fault, which sorta would imply. Sheesh, people, lighten up.
BB_ava 0
75, most grammar nazis DO take slang and abbreviations into consideration. We just don't like when ppl mix up your/you're and they're/their/there. And 12 is an idiot, not a grammar nazi.
Kukua 5
He wasn't correcting his spelling, grammar, or anything else to do with sentence structure. What he WAS correcting, was the idea that the OP only "sorta" deserved it. Instead, he completely deserved it.
a_nutritionist 10
nawww all the butthurt grammar nazi haters jumped at the opportunity to finally be right about something. alas, once again you all prove how stupid you are by not even comprehending whats going on.
ohSNAPyall 27
Girls only like boys with Pokemon skills.
JayJ17 7
It's hilarious how you people always start arguments by trying to correct others on there grammar mistakes. Get a life and stop trying to be a know-it-all on an app/website.
KjoeLjan 4
Amateur drinkers should not chug.
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Agreed. I started drinking at 15 (I do not condone that decision) and rarely chug. If you don't drink to get drunk, then there's really no reason to chug an alcoholic beverage.
zachherbert 10
This is how it went. girl "haha you can't drink worth shit!" Guy *challenge accepted* starts to chug.... Feels it start to come up, then pukes on chick. Girl "FUUUUUU---- Y U NO HOLD DOWN BEER? Guy "Y U NO IMPRESSED? Girl walks away Guy.... Forever alone
PurpleWaffles 2
Are you from tumblr?!
22cute 17
Yeah, here's a tip: if your date needs drinking antics to be impressed you need to date other people.
fadingfaith 4
#79 Don't say the T word!!
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
3- that's not what your mom said.
leader0011 5
68 sooo much win there... Nice one
zachherbert 10
Awww you really think so? I think it's missing a few, but hell, I'll get over it.
linnie_wesker 20
YDI for trying to impress a girl by chugging beer.
tj4234 36
maybe it was the girl from an FML not long ago who dumped her boyfriend for not drinking enough?
Jacobt24 19
Sort of* but we say it like sorta most of the time
Jacobt24 19
Why does this keep replying to the wrong one?
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
4 impresses girls by raping small animals. I'd rather impress a bitch by drinking...
ZanyZak 0
I live in Scottdale P.A. I freaked when I saw where you live until I reddit a little closer.
Rangie 6
YDI, You should've known better
hockey199813 5
Did it taste better the second time
bigguy123456 2
Dont copy him man.
MissBunnyWillEat 11
Yeah, man. Listen to the shirtless dude, bro.
ifailplzinsultme 0
Well the comment wasn't better the 2nd time
FollowMe 2
;D shirt guy and tannish girl got a point
philitron128 0
Your nipple mustaches are showing bro...
MissBunnyWillEat 11
Why are you looking at his nips, bro?
snowdrift 6
You deserved that 1...
sercub 0
8
hockey199813 5
Such a amature and that's funny
Jesus_Christ69 0
You kinda suck at spelling.
JRockk 2
*such aN amateur...
InItForTehLolz 5
What? That didn't impress them?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I dunno about you but I'd ******' marry a girl willing to puke for me! That's HAWTTT ;D