Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML
Today, my date got a cold before our date and accidentally took medicine that makes you drowsy before we went out. Two glasses of red later to calm her nerves, she yelled at a waiter, threw her shoe at the chef, then passed out on the table. I’m going to marry this girl, just you watch. FML
Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
Today, I went on a first date. She got plastered within the first hour, then a song came on in the restaurant and she told me, "This song's about meeeeee." FML
Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML
Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML
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Top comments
Liamj774 36
She sure sounds like a keeper
Earths_Venus 25
'Check please' or 'check if she's still breathing please'?
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Comments (86)
PenguinBitch 44
She's berry dumb.
mangelon86 15
As someone who loves to get blind drunk, doing that on a first date is just a bad look.
Mauskau 36
What is the point in getting blind drunk? You just make a fool of yourself, waste your money, can't remember a thing the next day and also damage your body greatly. If you're gonna drink, do it in moderation otherwise you end up being an idiot like the girl in this fml.
garrett_8614 14
Whoa, take it easy there #34, no need to get all judgemental
juststephhere 23
Different types of alcohol are different for every people. So some people can just get really drunk after one or two glasses.
Axel5238 29
Getting blind drink is bad doing it regularly is big sign of a problem regardless.
girI 20
Yeah, but it doesn't sound like she drank much, but was just a lightweight. Also, we don't know how old she is, so she might not have had much experience with drinking (it could only be her second or third time)
mangelon86 15
You don't know a thing about me you uptight Brit.
mangelon86 15
Learn to read. I said I like to drink to excess but even I know not to put that foot forward on a first date out of respect and common sense. And what do you care what I do with my liver anyway?
PoisonOrchid 21
I bet all she wanted was some french toast.
_purepxrcelain_ 6
wtf does french toast have to do with this ?
foxwasalamb 24
maybe its a really bad sexual reference?
therealtixe 8
HAHAHHAHA who ever thimbs downed this doesnt get your joke, ******* idiots these days lol...
ohSNAPyall 27
It's time for you to chuck berry, even if you've got no particular place to go.
SasquatchDeluxe 10
Good golly, Miss Molly! Anyone who'd come up with a pun like that must have a "Little Richard."
snippit 18
She probably had a few before the date to calm her nerves hehe
False_Stupidity 42
Well, as least now you know how to keep her quiet if things do progress beyond this date...
fsomelife 26
I think I know her. Make sure to run far, far away before she starts pushing for you to move in with her. :(
GnaR_KiLL5150 12
Alcohol is expensive at restaurants, that's the kind of girl you want. Nice and cheap
otumboo 10
some people aren't meant to drink alcohol..like her haha
worldclassrager 41
Try again without alcohol...