Today, I went on a date with the girl I like to a skating rink. On the ride home she put her arm around me. Her armpits stank and I smelt them the whole hour and a half drive. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'd taken this girl I'd recently met through Facebook dating to my family cabin. Apparently, her hygiene wasn't that great, because she didn't shower all weekend. The entire 4-hour ride back to her house was miserable, as every time she opened up her legs it smelled like a dead rat. I'm still mortified. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I was going to hook up with a new girl. She told me not to shower or wear deodorant when I came over, which I thought was a little odd but went along with. As we were getting warmed up, she started licking my sweaty armpit and moaning loudly. This is probably too weird to tolerate. FML
Today, I took my date ice skating, even though I’m terrible at it. I always knew I had shit balance, but I practically spent the entire time clinging to the wall, while she glided gracefully around me like an Olympic skater. At one point, she laughed and said, "You’re graceful like a cat… slipping across a frozen patio!" FML
Today, I went on a date, and everything was going fine - until the ride home. On the way, I starting having progressively bad stomach pains. Once she left the car, I passed the worst gas that I had ever encountered. As I began to leave, she knocked on the window. She forgot her purse in the car. FML
Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. While in the movie theater, I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said, "You're so funny, I'm so glad we're friends". FML
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML
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Top comments
DrunkenValor 0
You should have nonchalantly sprayed your own armpits and then accidentally sprayed hers with the same deodarant.
f_u_u_f_f 0
Easy solution. Tell her, "I feel a bit sweaty and gross from the skating rink, ok if we cuddle next time instead?" Then you aren't making her feel bad, but you get the result you want. Of course since this FML already happened, my advice is kind of useless. :-P
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Comments (159)
IheartOptimus 0
She's human, it happens. You should be happy that the girl you like put her arm around you at all you judgmental asshole.
FarSide 23
WTF are you talking about? The "evidence" was apparent... therefore, she smelled. That is not judging someone you moron.
IheartOptimus 0
You're right, I did use the wrong word in my statement, but do NOT call me a moron for it. I was simply angry at this FML.
FarSide 23
Please accept my humblest apology, because you calling someone a "judgemental asshole" is much worse that me calling you a moron. Perhaps I should have used the word "shallow" for becoming angry over such a trite comment.
IheartOptimus 0
I admitted I was wrong, which is a lot more than other people do. I could have resorted to simply insulting you too, but I figured that would be completely pointless. Please just leave this alone.
FarSide 23
I stick my tongue out at you :P
IheartOptimus 0
XD
FarSide 23
I stick my fingers in my ears and say nah-nah-nah-nah-boo-boo at you. And :P times 10 back at you.
IheartOptimus 0
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
FarSide 23
Your momma is sooooo fat....
Nimits 0
Hahaha sucks to be you. Buy her some sports deodarant
Ladypartslegit 0
FYL seriously, thats awful. ROFL at # 38
Rldiamond90 0
So what? You don't like her anymore because her body functions normally? Don't be so shallow.
thumb_biter 0
not an fml
dmmd8686 0
I mean, if she kept her arm around you for an hour and a half, she must like you. She'll smell better next time, and from the sounds of your post, there will be a next time...so, all in all...not too bad, really. Maybe you stunk, too!
Lonely_Lez 0
Wow... she doesn't deserve an asshole like you. Either get over yourself or become best friends with your left hand for the rest of your life.
Hermitcrab 0
I was pretty sure that was always the right hand, actually...
PandaPandaPandaX 0
Not for left handers :D
Hermitcrab 0
Oooooh. Sorry. Hadn't thought of that.
stixjd90 0
stop bitching. most of the FML's on here are about how guys CANT get the girl they want.u got the one you want, and all you can do is complain. YDI for being a little baby about it.
alyssasmichelle 0
i go to a skating rink every friday and saturday, and i never ever go home sweaty.
SunshinePants 0
Ugh, I know what that's like. I went on a date with a new guy yesterday. His breath smelled HORRIBLE, and he kept getting close to me and talking. His breath smelled like poop. It was so gross.