Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went on a first date and laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted. I tried to play it cool, laughed harder, snorted again, and then knocked over my drink. The waiter brought napkins and said, “Happens all the time.” To me, yes, it does. FML
Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said, "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said, "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
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Top comments
fearfulsymmetry 1
I wasn't aware you could titter vigorously.....I've heard of people working out vigorously, and arguing vigorously, but tittering? How the **** do you manage to do that?
alwa7sh 2
that teaches you to not fake you titters
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Comments (132)
minktheshrink 0
75 - Why thank you. There are way too many people who think "they" or "them" can replace "he" or "she". Unless everyone in the world gets an alternate personality, I believe using a plural pronoun should never be acceptable. Just to remind everyone who doesn't know, "he" is generally used when sex is unknown. Many call this being sexist and that is why "he or she" is used.
rooisRAD 4
Tittering - Being or sounding of nervous or suppressed laughter. Use a dictionary.
tooFLY 0
I'll have to go ahead and agree with 75. them is, in fact, incorrect. what should be used is him/her (awkward to use, but oh, so right :) )
ImACat_fml 7
you're all a bunch of f***ing assholes.. you know why? you don't have the guts to be who you wanna be.
inarticulating 0
"tittered vigorously" gonna use this forever.
skanky 4
"tittered vigorously" sounds like a dirty euphemism
DancinKat 0
OP means Original Poster
Stephaline19 0
Ew! That's disgusting but funny! Xp lol
akd1v 0
that's what you get for tittering
alexFYL 11
YDI for saying "tittered vigorously". I don't think there has ever been a more obnoxious set of words placed together than that.