Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said, "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a first date and wanted to tell my date a joke. I started laughing halfway through telling it because I found it hilarious. She didn’t laugh. Turns out, I completely forgot the punchline and just sat there cackling like a lunatic. Now I’m getting ghosted. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to crack a joke by saying, “Don’t worry, I’m not a serial killer.” My date replied, completely serious, “That’s exactly what a serial killer would say.” The rest of the date was eaten in awkward silence and vague small talk. I'm not going back into the dating pool ever again. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a first date and laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted. I tried to play it cool, laughed harder, snorted again, and then knocked over my drink. The waiter brought napkins and said, “Happens all the time.” To me, yes, it does. FML
Today, I went on a first date. It started out OK, but halfway through he began "debating" me, talking just like Ben Shapiro. I thought he was joking, or at least satirising the worst way you could talk during a date. I was wrong; he was serious. I'm still not sure what set him off, but I couldn't get a word in edgeways in after that. FML
Today, I went to the movies with this guy I'd started dating. During the movie, I thought it would be cool and funny to make sarcastic comments. When he dropped me off home, he told me that it was the worst date ever and to not talk to him again for being "annoying and obnoxious." FML
Today, while on a blind date, I told her in no uncertain terms that if I got married, my wife would need to be a housewife. She burst out laughing and asked, "Dude, do you even HAVE a house?" and walked out laughing when I said I didn't. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML
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Top comments
Hildy93 21
Can you do a follow up and tell us the joke??
aliezzo 19
What an asshole. Screw him he doesn't deserve you op.
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Comments (120)
aliezzo 19
What an asshole. Screw him he doesn't deserve you op.
Nessco 36
Seriously, what was the joke?
EvilTurtle 35
A dyslexic man walks into a bra
Hunter_the_Ninja 22
Well, maybe he has known OP and always thought that she was a moron and that joke pushed him over the edge.
blakeyboy22 12
That's a rather large assumption from this FML
Zebediabolical 45
It depends on the joke. What if someone's best joke is a holocaust joke to a jewish person? What if it's a rape joke to someone who's been raped? Would that make a difference or is he still an asshole?
EvilTurtle 35
If your best joke is about the holocaust or about rape, then you're an asshole.
a1_z9 10
If someone told you a joke you found offensive, would your first thought be to do a massive arsehole show of finding it hilarious or would you just quickly take your leave?
RustlingSoul 26
Sreew him?
HurleyX21 17
He's the idiot for doing that, screw that guy.
DragonDude 24
Safe to say you dodged a bullet.
rieebee 23
Saved you finding out he's a jerk later on, at least he could have been polite about it. What a dick.
A_Net_70 7
Awwww what a jerk good thing you found out his true colors right away! Don't worry you will find your one :)
Ley135 20
I seriously can't believe half the things I read on this app. People are so cruel to one another. Screw him, Op. You'll find someone who loves your jokes and you even more.
chrisbeaudoin 26
Lol
TheGamingNirvana 18
The guy did what you DON'T do during a date.
DeuceDeuce 16
What was the joke?
False_Stupidity 42
Maybe OP used the old arrow to the knee joke.
DestinysChampion 17
That's actually really rude of him. I'm sorry OP. Onto better men!
josef_connolly 14
Very rude indeed