Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went on a first date and laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted. I tried to play it cool, laughed harder, snorted again, and then knocked over my drink. The waiter brought napkins and said, “Happens all the time.” To me, yes, it does. FML
Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said, "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said, "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
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Top comments
fearfulsymmetry 1
I wasn't aware you could titter vigorously.....I've heard of people working out vigorously, and arguing vigorously, but tittering? How the **** do you manage to do that?
alwa7sh 2
that teaches you to not fake you titters
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Comments (132)
sofiaiswhoiam 0
^^^^ nvm, true #18
conehead45 0
I guess that's one way to get him out of his cloths. Two thumbs up for originality!
Arschloch04 0
Cloths? Is he a caveman? OP, did you go on a date with a caveman?
maybaybe 0
I just noticed, this FML doesn't have 'FML' at the end of it.
Sirin_fml 47
Why, I'm not sure what you mean.
ak7477 9
yea it does...
harrylovesmary 0
omg that's hilarious
GawZ 0
I'm sure he'll go on a second date with you so long as you let his mini-me puke all over your face.
mrahhhhh 21
Did you also tell him his mother sucks c(#ks in hell?
sallen0046 4
I'm not particularly bothered by bodily functions, but there is no way in hell I'd ever "understand" if I was on a first date with someone who vomited all over me because they weren't bright enough to turn their head. You pretty much deserve it for performing any kind of vigorous laugh with enough food in your mouth to choke on it.
RoseThorns 0
Don't worry! I puked all over a guy once, and now we're married! There is a light at the end of this embarassing tunnel (perhaps). No promises though...
WaylonD 4
Tittered? WTF does that mean? n how do you do it vigorously enough to blow chunks?
ohthebloodygore 16
43, giggling. Laughing. No it's not a UK thing.
DakotaCat 4
Ydi for Twittering vigorously! Twitter calmly next time!