Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was teaching my two year-old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML
Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML
Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML
Today, I took my 2-year-old son to the ear doctor, since he'd stopped responding whenever I call him. The doctor told me that his ears are just fine. He's just ignoring me. FML
Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML
Today, one of my ears randomly went deaf. I went to the doctor, thinking I had an ear infection or something. Turns out that your ears can go deaf entirely without reason, and I now have medication to take to see if I can get any of my hearing back in that ear. I'm only 26. FML
Today, my excruciating ear pain turned out to be a bastard maggot eating away at all the vital things behind my eardrum. The doctor pulled it out, but I’m now permanently deaf in that ear and can’t balance. I fall if I try to stand or walk further than 5 feet. FML
Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML
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Top comments
Marblecakelolz 11
Time to call the parents. Now, if only you could hear them...
red_headforlife 15
Kids these days, I swear.
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Comments (51)
misspennycakes 7
A six year old should know better than that
perdix 31
Why would you let a kid play doctor on you? They don't carry malpractice insurance! I hope you learned your lesson before some kid wants to play gynecologist with you.
interesting33 37
Get yourself checked out! That isn't good.
death943 10
interesting66, you should be checked out for your condition
loserman67 36
Could have been worse, you could have suddenly found yourself in stirrups and little Johnny with his plastic speculum standing there. The last thing you hear is the echo of his giggling...
freckleface221 19
Go to an urgent care and have them check out your ear. I tore my eardrum last year and it was awful. They had to do a wonky surgery to patch it up again.
KaeSAL 11
Perhaps playing the piano badly in a hotel lobby will cheer you up?
homiwan 13
just be thankful, that he didn't choose your rectum!
Zebediabolical 45
Rectum? DAMN NEAR DEAFENED'EM!
skyeyez9 25
This is why I could never be a daycare worker. Kids these days in general are terrible.
Jacksparrow72 21
Was your ear eardrum ruptured?
asb818 14
No, it was the nose eardrum...much more painful.
MrConcise 35
After going deaf in my left ear, I bawled like a baby after the surgery healed. It was the first time in three years I could hear from that ear. I'll never forget it, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. Despite the inconvenience it caused, I wouldn't appreciate my hearing without that experience. I hope you get it fixed and don't view this as a curse when all is said and done.