Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend asked me to deep throat him and I had to tell him he isn’t long enough to reach my throat. It just about reaches the back of my tongue, but that’s it. He’s now sulking. I can’t change the length of his prick. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, but when I told him anal takes prep, like stretching and lubing, and you can’t just jam a knob up there like in a porno, he lost all interest, asked for a blowjob, and when I said no, he started sulking. I struggle to remember why I’m with him. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML
Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML
Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML
Today, I told my man that, in order to get me ready for sex within a minute whenever he wants, he only needs to relearn how to go down on me, which he used to do splendidly but has somehow forgotten. He apparently considers this too much effort and will rather keep groping me unsuccessfully. FML
Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
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Top comments
umerin 32
That's talent.
Welshite 40
He just proved "practice makes perfect."
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Comments (97)
umerin 32
That's talent.
beeferjay 34
just be relieved he isn't asking for anal...
spacefish966 18
Hey everybody look at my party trick......
JohnTheDonJuan 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Plot twist: it was her sisters *****!
scuccria 12
Maybe he's gay
chosha_fml 27
Maybe he's just had plenty of practice.
turdwrangler 18
173 & 174 Maybe it's Maybelline.
zAstonish 20
Holding your left thumb removes your gag reflex.
Mynxie 26
@2 Never heard of that
kimise 21
Ugh, no. It doesn't.
Adeptus_Astartes 22
I don't even want to try it.... but I do.
Shadowvoid 33
I've heard of that but I can stick my finger down my throat no problem, but when I brush my teeth and get to my tongue I sound like I'm choking and dying.
hardcorepunk87 18
It's just a thing to occupy your brain. You could do just about anything to keep your mind off of the gag reflex.
NeatNit 33
the whole point of reflexes is that they don't need you to think about them for them to happen, how can you distract yourself from something like that?
BeenIt 5
Lies.
zach205 24
Well, 98, reflexes can be countered if your body is instructed to no longer follow them, though some are harder to counter. One of the easy ones is if you touch something and it's burning hot, you'll pull away, but if you know it it some won't have that reflex act if you don't let it
coortaknee 15
Really?
obnum 19
I'm not even sure I know what to say. You better get on his level OP :P
buckstop1 37
I know few guys who can do so. I praise those who are able to
obnum 19
Pretty sure it's physically impossible to suck your own dick because your ribs prevent you from bending so far like that. I heard there was a guy who cut out his bottom two ribs so he could reach his dick. Dedication right there, lol. I'm sure OP can muster the dedication to suck someone else's dick if there are people willing to rid themselves of their ribs to do the same xD
nomnomthebunny 13
Those rumors were about Marilyn Manson And it was a lie sorry to bust that bubble
Kahli21 15
Well, if it's really, really big.... yeah, I still don't know, but the mental image is hilarious.
Seabass_Chan 33
Tell that to the triple-jointed contortionist I met back in Greece. He was able to do a lot more than suck his own dick, believe me.
isaak_sanchez 18
It was actually some black guy and it's true
ezrocks4u 29
Uh... Just look up auto fellatio, there are plenty of people capable of it.
dannnngthatsux 19
#70, he may be able to deep throat it, doesn't mean he can bend to get to it!!
wobbly1 16
It's possible for a guy to do it himself. Just Google it. hundreds of films.
Badkarma4u 17
I'm pretty sure youre wrong #92. Plenty of peopke can do it.
US_StormTrooper 2
I thought it was physically impossible too.... Maybe after years of Yoga. Has anyone seen that Will Ferrell skit? LOL
mnwaone 6
nope. done it before
Welshite 40
He just proved "practice makes perfect."
jtthegr8 26
It was probably an on the spot thing, hoping he didn't fail
LosinIt2008 14
because he likes dick?? Lol that's the only reason I can think why he's so good at that' lol
bazookajoey 27
Looks like you've got some competition OP ;)
brenton490 19
practice makes perfect !!
xjon1600 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Practicing makes perfect. I guess we know where he's been :P
skyrim_fanatic 17
why the **** are you repeating the comment before you
Redoxx_fml 22
A sword swallower through and through
Crazyjohnb 23
The reference is win
Internetflakes 13
i hope you made gagging sounds in the background.
higgysaurus 18
I am completely lost as to what is gained by doing this, why do you hope this?
theshopmouse 14
sure hes not gay?
sstahpp 33
Or maybe, you know, can control his gag reflex.
PrincessZelda_HR 22
Or bi! Ah, mysteries
Morning_fml 22
Where have you ever heard of a straight male casually sliding a ***** down his throat?
theplaguedkitten 5
jersey?
trucker2 33
Some where by the straight, asking for pegging, I would assume!
SheepShoop_fml 20
My partner has done this with an abstractly shaped toy while we discussed gag reflexes. He did not get very far. Nothing to do with the sexuality.
Seabass_Chan 33
Paris.
Ilmoran 20
I knew a straight guy in college who used to deep throat cucumbers as a party trick.
US_StormTrooper 2
I've done that literally in exactly the same context as described by OP... Although OP and her BF seem to be in a much more stable relationship than anyone I demonstrated this ability to...
Oh_bother44 11
No. Just no.