Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML
Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML
Today, I woke up to something crawling on my leg. Thinking it might be a spider, I jumped out frantically to check. The good news: it's not a spider. The bad news: it's a bedbug. My apartment was just treated for them. FML
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Top comments
allergylady101 0
That just makes my skin crawl.
MeLuvBewbs 7
You will be the next Spiderman!
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Comments (118)
The_Hitdude 12
That's a very scary situation, but don't let it get the "nest" of you! Just put the jeans in the washer/dryer and put 'em back on! You'll feel cleaner too!
The_Hitdude 12
Okay, okay guys...I was half asleep when I made this comment...Just looked at it and realized how terrible it was. Forgive me for my horrendous pun...
tc8996 0
Really? Obviously they weren't your favorite jeans.
ImInABox 6
The spider knew it'd happen if he had patience..
GothicAngel17 24
Check next time?
zoPwNAgEzo 21
That's what I do before putting on pants. I check the inside just incase a spider decided to crawl in there.
GothicAngel17 24
You would if you were arachniphobic and lived in Australia, trust me. You'd check your socks and shoes too. I've found spiders in plenty of my shoes, socks and jeans or jackets that I haven't worn since winter.
rubberduckie94 13
It was the spiders favorite pair of jeans too.
micahsmommy 13
Perhaps you should wash or wear your favourite jeans more often.
Dante17 6
You should had at least checked them before using them. And if they are your favorite, why didn't you used them more often?
kaycee1996 5
Who thinks to check every item of clothing before they put it on? I'm sure you don't even do that. I'm sure OP had plenty of reasons to have not worn the jeans for so long. Don't make it out like this is there fault it could have happened to anyone!
chels1994 11
I would have shit myself... O_o
desireev 18
Geez, people! Y'all must take forever to get dressed! Call me crazy, but I, personally, do not do a thorough investigation of my clothing before I get dressed! If that is, seriously, what all you guys do before you get dressed, I'm gonna guess it takes y'all 1.5-2 hours to get dressed every morning! FYL, OP! I guess I'm one of the suckers who would have been bitten as well. As I do not check my clothing before I put them on. I hope you have some good medicine or cream to help with your spider bites! Once again, FYL!
SlightlyNinjaMan 0
It didn't bite her?
Timmeeh 17
I love all of the "why didn't you check?" comments. Are people sincerely suggesting they perform a regular pre-use spider survey of their clothing before getting dressed?
desireev 18
Lol! That's what I just wrote a novel about! (See above.) I'm finding it extremely hard to believe that all the people, seriously, do a thorough investigation of their clothing, every morning, before they get dressed! Lol
Locoluis 15
Not every morning in the OP's case. It's been a long while since the last time the OP wore those jeans. I'd check, and you should too.
hotPinklipstick 24
I don't regularly inspect my clothes, but if I haven't worn them in a while I do shake them a few times and check the inside (shoes too) better safe then sorry.
Timmeeh 17
Probably depends a little on where you live; there are no seriously poisonous spiders in this country (obviously many spiders have a somewhat poisonous bite, but we're talking "that will itch for a few days" rather than "my foot's becoming necrotic"), which is seemingly the most sensible motivation for checking. With that motivation removed, however... ehh.
GothicAngel17 24
If you lived in Australia, you damned well would. They get in EVERYTHING and most of them are huge motherfuckers that dwarf spiders you'd find in America or Canada. Or Britain.