Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML
Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in Poison Ivy. FML
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML
Today, when I went to the bathroom, I found an earwig in my underpants. Yes, it was alive. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
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Top comments
zebraumicornz 6
No f the spiders life for being an asswipe! Haha....no.......ok...
JustKittyKat 24
I hope it didn't bite you in any intimate areas! D: I've gotten ant bites in bad places from sitting on the sidewalk near grass one time. You can't scratch that anywhere!
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Comments (111)
zebraumicornz 6
No f the spiders life for being an asswipe! Haha....no.......ok...
preps87 0
No it's ok! That wasn't bad!
samasara 20
Haha.....yes.....okay. Just kidding. No.
Thelnternet 7
and here we can see a common species of a "Thumbs Up *****" where the creature ends their comment with phrases such as "Haha... No... Okay I'll go now..." in an attempt to get good ratings[/s]
RaggleFrock 13
61 I read that in David Attenboroughs voice. Bravo.
DKjazz 20
The firetruck is a solitary killer. The ambulances will have to wait their turn.
Potato_Pi 7
You shouldn't go into the tall grass alone, wild Pokemon can jump out at you
zebraumicornz 6
61- I wasn't trying to be a "thumbs up *****" I didn't think it was that funny and didn't want to offend anybody.
lemonademixer 7
wtf?
niftyhasdelulz 12
Classy
ILoveZombieBoys 13
Oh dear god
blcksocks 19
You're either having an ****** or just wanted to be the first one to comment
iOceanus 18
Wait, who says, "Oh, dear God!" when they ******?
heygirlie777 21
22- a firstgasm, you mean?
a_commenter 3
21- someone who's been reading too much 50 shades of grey
MalloryKnox 8
For a second there I thought 43's comment said "FISTgasm." Yikes.
boarderlyne17 8
56 - Thanks for making me clench involuntarily. :/
HouseElf 13
Perhaps clenching was exactly what OP did....
beef25967 2
Is that some sort of weird fetish?
zingline89 18
Girl: Hey hunny, I'm kinda bored with our sex life. What do you say we spice it up a bit? Guy: *excited* Okay!! What are ya thinkin?!? Girl: Well, Im thinking you strip me naked, tie me face down on the bed... Guy: Yeah!?!?!!!??? Girl: Then shove a spider up my butt Guy: .....wtf....
misspulkadot24 17
Yep. Nothing turns me on more than an insect up my arse!
llamafish 25
Arachnid*, spiders are not insects.
zingline89 18
Is a llamafish an insect?
JJJJJakkkkeee 6
Is mayonnaise an instrument?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
No, Jake. Mayonnaise is not a instrument. Neither is a MacBook. *glares at Skrillex*
Crlnprz 11
Silly Skrillex
onlychildFTW 34
This isn't a fetish. How would you even think that?
_krystallynn_ 11
sarcasm, it must be a new concept to you...
kennaem1 11
No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument!
onlychildFTW 34
That was some bad sarcasm.
JustKittyKat 24
I hope it didn't bite you in any intimate areas! D: I've gotten ant bites in bad places from sitting on the sidewalk near grass one time. You can't scratch that anywhere!
gc327072 31
At least it wasn't an asscricket, eh?
Srs_business 7
*chirp chirp* Sorry to crush your hopes.
1Brucie 2
It's what he would have wanted.
LolPieRofl 11
Yes yes it was...
RoBi1475 0
Don't go into the long grass!!!!!!
Krajjan 9
Clever girl...
a_commenter 3
The wild spider used pants attack! It was super effective! OP fainted!
spiritfang11237 16
Should've brought her pokemon.
trellz17 19
Jurassic Park? Nice.
kotana191 8
I think the spider had it worse than you did, OP
KMtheDrummer 6
Squished to death by ass cheeks... Yeah FHL
DohIMissed 6
I hope it was not a black widow or something.
kman8599 8
If it was, she just reunited in spidey heaven with her departed. Rest in peace good buddy, rest in peace.
emeraldisle 30
And this is why I don't do my business outside.
samasara 20
But... Of course you do... Your a cat... Unless your a house cat! ... Which most are.. Okay. I'm stupid. Bye.
emeraldisle 30
*you're
samasara 20
Your best comeback is correcting me... :0 hahah