Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML
Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML
Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML
Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML
Today, I took my brother to the bathroom at a restaurant. The stall next to mine was locked, so I assumed he was still in there. I yelled his name a few times, then banged on the door out of annoyance. I gave up and returned to the table, where he was sitting with a grin. Turns out I just traumatized a poor lady in the stall. FML
Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML
Today, I had no choice but to use a public bathroom. I have issues going when there are others in the stalls, and apparently another person did as well. We both sat there in silence, waiting stubbornly for the other to give up and leave so we could go. It’s been 20 minutes. FML
Today, it was a normal day working as a medical receptionist, until I told a wheelchair-bound patient to “take a seat” out of habit. She responded with, “I brought my own!” I have never felt more embarrassed. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
carebearusaf 6
Maybe next time you won't be such a twatdangler, and wait patiently.
Pleonasm 36
"How long can she stay in there for? Is she handi-crapped or something? I've seen constipated turtles push one out faster than this bitch! Haul ass, woman!" You're not funny and you should mind your business like that OP with the van or the iPad
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (93)
Werken247 14
OP I'd say something tacky about you but I have too much class for that.... ahhh ****, who am I kidding? If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your damn nose, you moron.
perdix 31
Looks like your comedy career is off to a terrible start. Let me give you some advice: steer clear of the bathroom humor.
unknown_user5566 27
I never thought I'd see the day where a topic was considered "off limits" for your humor, perdix.
Pleonasm 36
It's not off limits for him, it's just a suggestion to the other comedians who can't get away with it. Perdix eats bathroom humor for breakfast and ***** it out in the nearest stall.
sweetmama88 6
Next time you should mind his own business !
perdix 31
You should have said, "I'm so sorry, that's wheelie not funny."
naya_bingi 11
Just pictured OP having Rhotacism and pronouncing it that way with a sad/ embarrassed face... made my day!
theycallmekitty 13
Woah calm down people...you don't even know what the jokes were that this person was making. Maybe the jokes weren't that bad it just made it worse because the person actually had a legit reason to take awhile. We all say stupid stuff sometimes that ends up offending someone. Hopefully this person won't make that mistake again...
slickchrome 11
Legit reason for taking too long? Even if she wasn't in wheelchair, everyone could have an legit reason for taking too long in the bathroom. She could have been dropping deuces in there, it's still not a joking matter!!!
theycallmekitty 13
I agree with you I just thought they were being harsh...I don't think this person was trying to offend anyone or personally attacking them. I could be wrong of course. Having temporary diarrhea is a lot different than being handicap (or whatever the case here was). Either way I still wouldn't want to be made fun of for it so I agree they should think before they speak!
maz95 17
Well that must of been an awkward moment. I cringed reading this. Personally, I would've kept thoughts like those to myself because in my head, I'm the funniest person alive :p
slickchrome 11
Go honk at an old lady thats taking too long crossing the street now dick!
PrettyInScarlett 9
That's really immature. I hope you apologized
nottheyoungest 18
Never ever complain to a stranger. Yell in your mind or something. It gets you out of trouble. Or better yet.. BE PATIENT.
GhostChickens 17
So basically, you thought it would be funny to embarrass someone by cracking jokes about them, but you don't like it when you get embarrassed yourself? You deserved this karmic punch in the face. Why would you even start telling a total stranger jokes about another total stranger outside a bathroom? That's just really awkward.