Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML
Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML
Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML
Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML
Today, I took my brother to the bathroom at a restaurant. The stall next to mine was locked, so I assumed he was still in there. I yelled his name a few times, then banged on the door out of annoyance. I gave up and returned to the table, where he was sitting with a grin. Turns out I just traumatized a poor lady in the stall. FML
Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML
Today, I had no choice but to use a public bathroom. I have issues going when there are others in the stalls, and apparently another person did as well. We both sat there in silence, waiting stubbornly for the other to give up and leave so we could go. It’s been 20 minutes. FML
Today, it was a normal day working as a medical receptionist, until I told a wheelchair-bound patient to “take a seat” out of habit. She responded with, “I brought my own!” I have never felt more embarrassed. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
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Top comments
carebearusaf 6
Maybe next time you won't be such a twatdangler, and wait patiently.
Pleonasm 36
"How long can she stay in there for? Is she handi-crapped or something? I've seen constipated turtles push one out faster than this bitch! Haul ass, woman!" You're not funny and you should mind your business like that OP with the van or the iPad
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Comments (93)
DracoSpirita 21
Don't make assumptions about people, and don't joke about people with disabilities. Comments like that usually just lead to making you look like a dumbass or getting hurt by people close to the disabled. In your case, the former. YDI
ICastillo 25
You're not funny and you should feel bad about your horrible jokes. If you're a guy you are lucky he didn't whoop your ass.
hateevryone 15
Dumbass I bet you'll think twice about doing that now.
lambda_fml 40
Well I sincerely hope you apologised afterwards.
Spectre529 12
This why you keep those comments as thoughts and not spurt them out to random people.
CheeseHater 23
What a total douche. Who acts in this manner?
1dvs_bstd 41
Personally, I think it was an innocent enough douchebaggery but still one nonetheless. Someone could be having killer diarrhea or incredibly sick. Patience is a virtue.
emeraldisle 30
YDI you ******* twat.
Enslaved 38
OP: Damn! What's taking so long? *pee-pee dancing* Husband: *Stale faced* OP: Did the bitch fall in the toilet and drown? Haha, get it dude? Drowned? (Sorry, this is my first written play)
DracoSpirita 21
Woo! *whistles and claps* Encore! Encore!
sisco2901 20
Even if you didn't know she she was handicapped and he was her husband, why the hell would ANYONE want to listen to the crap that falls out of your mouth to and about people you don't even know in the first place?