Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML
Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML
Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML
Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML
Today, I took my brother to the bathroom at a restaurant. The stall next to mine was locked, so I assumed he was still in there. I yelled his name a few times, then banged on the door out of annoyance. I gave up and returned to the table, where he was sitting with a grin. Turns out I just traumatized a poor lady in the stall. FML
Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML
Today, I had no choice but to use a public bathroom. I have issues going when there are others in the stalls, and apparently another person did as well. We both sat there in silence, waiting stubbornly for the other to give up and leave so we could go. It’s been 20 minutes. FML
Today, it was a normal day working as a medical receptionist, until I told a wheelchair-bound patient to “take a seat” out of habit. She responded with, “I brought my own!” I have never felt more embarrassed. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
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Top comments
carebearusaf 6
Maybe next time you won't be such a twatdangler, and wait patiently.
Pleonasm 36
"How long can she stay in there for? Is she handi-crapped or something? I've seen constipated turtles push one out faster than this bitch! Haul ass, woman!" You're not funny and you should mind your business like that OP with the van or the iPad
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Comments (93)
fenixtorador1 11
Asshole.
Chris455 8
OP. OP. OP. OP. You're a jerk. Yeah! That's right... Wait no! You're a peepeehead. Yeah that's more like it. You should be ashamed of your self.
BellaBelle_fml 23
It's children like you who make inane comments like yours that make having an age limit necessary.
Chris455 8
She could've went first. There could've been handicapped automated doors and ramps so she could go ahead.
KM96 24
Don't make rude remarks unless you know the facts
dunebro 15
So if you do know the facts, you can make rude remarks?
misataylor86 10
What a jerk. What if that were you
braceany 11
Why would you even make comments? It could be a number of reasons why they are taking so long. I hope you said sorry.
pnutbutternjelly 15
If the guy was not amused with three first joke you made, why three hell would you keep going?
iiPluuu 7
Should have taken the hint and shut up.
vbmg152 19
You never know what's going on with a person! I have an incurable, very painful condition that requires me to go to the bathroom over 60 times a day & night! It's not the least funny, I assure you! You young people need to stop making jokes at our expense!! Keep your smart mouths shut!! YDI
melody309 35
Where does the FML suggest that the OP is young? Way to generalize.
MaxG123 8
You should of just waited patiently OP, but wouldn't the woman in the wheelchair use a disabled toilet?
DracoSpirita 21
Not if there wasn't one available. Some places don't have one.