Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested for shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at first, but got busted when he tried to return it all because he "didn't like the flavor". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year-old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML
Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML
Today my boss went digging through my drawer, took a pack of gum, and told me I got him the wrong flavor. He kept it anyway. FML
Today, my son is an idiot, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt by giving him a job as a cashier in one of my stores. Within half an hour, I was sent security footage from that store's manager showing my son on his phone, ignoring customers, picking his nose, and stealing money from the till. FML
Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML
Today, I got stopped for shoplifting at a department store. They took me back to the security room and showed me the tapes. I was taking my own designer lipgloss that I had bought a month before out of my purse. FML
Today, at the grocery store, the cops grabbed, cuffed, and hauled me to the station after the clerk called on me. I was with my 11 year-old niece, and she secretly tried to buy a pregnancy test. Despite saying it was for her aunt (my wife) who asked her to buy it for her without me knowing, they didn't believe her. FML
Today, I had to go down to the county police department to bail out my kids who thought it would be a good idea to try mugging an ice cream truck driver. FML
Today, I had to chase down and tackle a boy (around 11 or 12) at my workplace after I caught him snatching someone's wallet and trying to quickly sneak out with it. Now everyone thinks I have something against children, even after I returned the stranger's wallet and explained that the little brat is a thief. FML
Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML
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Top comments
murphy30011 7
Your son is an idiot
Adam5858 17
Extra punishment for being such a fool
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Comments (112)
murphy30011 7
Your son is an idiot
SpreadTHEKILLER 14
And the retard awards go toooo: OP's son
bellebe1998 16
He learned from the best.
MisterEx 28
If you look closely at OP's name..
sweetbliss3 37
wow, idiot indeed. he should have sold them to his friends and made a profit. on a serious note, i hope he got fined or something. its people like him that "helps" the prices go up, so the company can make up for the prices of the stolen item. granted its gum, but still.
cjwayy 22
If you can't even **** up correctly, then... Well yeah, he's just an idiot.
Doberman101 29
Lmao. I agree with you. He could have at least sold the gum and make a profit off of it.
Bradley_Dillon 39
Actually, inflation and raising minimum wage makes prices go up.
JJ_86 22
Don't let him Orbiting around the stores anymore.
EphMi 5
Looks like you could use a book on raising children. Maybe you'll do better next time!
sig4life 18
He could have been president in Idiocracy....... The movie is coming true right before your eyes
JustJumped 22
Turned in to a sticky situation
Adam5858 17
*Slowly claps*
chuksnwali 34
Really no. 2, Really?
Adam5858 17
Extra punishment for being such a fool
LeFrogDog 27
He cant wrigley out of this one
iLike2Teabag 27
If you think it's easy to pull off, why don't you Try-dent?
Liamj774 36
I guess returning it didn't Eclipse him as a bad idea
Zebediabolical 45
I bet he gets Five years.
IloveToLaugh143 21
#58, it is pretty easy to pull off. You simply Stride in and Orbit the store until you've found the desired flavor, then Wrigley your way out of the door.
brenton490 19
I pity the fool!!
extrasnipes 22
i guess he doesn't excel in school, since he is that much of an idiot
NYM88 26
That'll give you something to chew on for a while.
Sandman366 6
If nothing else, food for thought
PotatoPal 11
Gee, the cops really burst his bubble. FYL, OP!
beaverteaser 16
maybe he can pay they fine in gum
mageepaigeee44 15
Nobody ever pays me in gum :(
sparty48910 5
Only if he stole trident layers.
Goblin182 27
That is just scarey stupid.
WCARlover 35
The irony here. It hurts.
Goblin182 27
I might make typos but at least I'm not anal.
thatguynamedsky 32
just go away #61
Goblin182 27
No way. Bugging you is to much fun.
magiczebra 9
#71 You're not bugging anyone. It's just that each time you reply, you make yourself look like an even bigger fucktard. But if you wanna keep entertaining us/embarrassing yourself, go right ahead.
Kergami 18
That must of been a sticky situation.
jerryj 27
It wasn't. All the packs of gum were still closed. I was there.
upallnight11 19
*must have been
thefmlman2011 37
He used sarcasm, dummy
DocBastard 40
Thefmlman2011 - Really? That was sarcasm? To me it just looks like bad grammar. But then again, what the hell do I know about sarcasm and grammar.
Rallred32 20
Doc knows nothing about grammar and sarcasm because Mrs. Bastard writes his blog for him. Obviously.
Mynamewontfi 40
What the hell did he think would happen. He's bringing being an idiot to a higher level.
xivoricbutterfly 25
Im guessing he thought he can sneak it out he can sneak it back in.
crushcrusher 33
that was really idiotic.