Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML
Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML
Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML
Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML
Today, I took my brother to the bathroom at a restaurant. The stall next to mine was locked, so I assumed he was still in there. I yelled his name a few times, then banged on the door out of annoyance. I gave up and returned to the table, where he was sitting with a grin. Turns out I just traumatized a poor lady in the stall. FML
Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML
Today, I had no choice but to use a public bathroom. I have issues going when there are others in the stalls, and apparently another person did as well. We both sat there in silence, waiting stubbornly for the other to give up and leave so we could go. It’s been 20 minutes. FML
Today, it was a normal day working as a medical receptionist, until I told a wheelchair-bound patient to “take a seat” out of habit. She responded with, “I brought my own!” I have never felt more embarrassed. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
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Top comments
carebearusaf 6
Maybe next time you won't be such a twatdangler, and wait patiently.
Pleonasm 36
"How long can she stay in there for? Is she handi-crapped or something? I've seen constipated turtles push one out faster than this bitch! Haul ass, woman!" You're not funny and you should mind your business like that OP with the van or the iPad
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Comments (93)
80skid 15
Why wouldn't you take the hint after the first failed joke?
Moka96 7
Haven't you ever heard the saying "If you don't have anything good to say then don't say anything at all."
Bookoholic 11
Wow, ain't that a big f*ck you to your face. Nice job OP.
kalbrek009 20
I'd have punched you so hard that you'd need a wheel chair yourself for saying crap like that if it'd been my wife...Ass-hat of the year award goes to you.
dunebro 15
If there was a disabled peoples icon on the stall door, OP deserverd it. Else (s)he was just unlucky.
RogueWarrior869 23
I honestly give this a your life sucks vote. Because why on Earth would the husband not take a moment to say anything? Especially since it was his wife in there. Around here we make jokes on anyone taking too long if we're waiting for a restroom. It's all in good humor, and how was she supposed to know the woman was in a wheelchair?
oh_drat 8
That sucks. The guy could've politely pointed out that it was a handicapped restroom to tip you off, or said something to change the subject. A ton of restrooms are handicap-appropriate; how were you supposed to know she had a wheelchair? FYL.
jimbob_76592 5
Meh it's a thing that we all do. Waiting in a line brings about odd conversation. FYL op
caitiebug1119 15
You completely deserve this. First of all, why did you think he was waiting in line for the women's restroom? Everyone knows the men's restroom hardly ever has a long line, and if a man has to pee badly enough, they can just pee outside. Second, you didn't get that awkward "Gee, this is awkward, I should shut up" feeling when you made the first joke and he didn't laugh or smile? You didn't see him frown by the second joke? Third, it's just plain rude to make a "joke" about someone taking awhile in the bathroom. It's none of your business why they're in there for so long, they could be terribly constipated or nauseated. Doors aren't that thick, and she probably heard you.
Xaune 9
I find allot of people with the attitude like OP. I have had muscular dystrophy from birth. I can walk short distances but if my husband and I plan to do more than go out to eat, I have my manual wheelchair or my scooter. The toilets in handicap stalls are usually taller, making it easy for me to get up. I can barely get up off of the smaller toilets. If I am walking and the toilets are all the same height I will go into a regular stall for the very reason that someone who actually needs it may come in. There have been quite a few times when I have had to wait for the handicap stall, and when the person walks out they suddenly get this guilty look as they realize they could have used a regular stall since they had no difficulty walking, getting up, etc. I have also shocked the hell out of a mom who was being impatient and yelling at me to hurry up. I ended up getting an apology from one of them. The ones I especially love are the preppy, snobbish girls using the family bathroom. One of the malls we go to on occasion doesn't have any way for me to get in and out on my own, so my fiance has to help me. The only place he can do that and not get into trouble is in a family bathroom. I don't mind waiting for a handicap stall but it does amaze me how many people choose to not consider anyone but themselves.
Xaune 9
Okay, husband and fiance are the same guy. We've been together for 7 years so he basically is my husband. My brain decided to not keep consistency. Forgive me!