Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML
Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML
Today, I helped my neighbor carry her groceries upstairs. One egg carton slipped from my hand and exploded in the sink. She stared at the mess, then at me, and said, “That's my omelet down the drain.” FML
Today, my mom had me and my little brother make pancakes for breakfast. I had to let the dog out of the house to go do his business, so I had my little brother wait there and told him not to touch anything. I came back 5 minutes later, and there were cracked eggs in the almost-done batter. FML
Today, while eating breakfast with my family, I asked my mother if there was any more scrambled eggs in the skillet because I really felt like having some more. She got mad at me because she thought I'd asked in a sarcastic manner. I wasn't joking. FML
Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML
Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML
Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
Then you've only got one shot to get her right in the face with it. No pressure.
Angel_Vice 0
Your mom is awesome.
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Comments (164)
authorkid 2
ew i hatw eggs
marinus_fml 20
I like my eggs fried,boiled,baked,omlette, but quite frankly my dear, no one gives a damn.
winoahh 10
^ win
ChibiGirl5 0
omg your picture freaks me out
locachick101 0
aw man that sucks. but your mom cool though, unless you were about to go to school and you have go take a shower again, then she's mean lol
khaya 9
Your mom is legendary.
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
You look like Jackie Chan XD
fthku 13
The person in the photo (Which isn't the person who commented) looks nothing like Jackie Chan. The only thing similar is the fact that they're both asian.
creamcheese724 0
he looks like he's fast
goza27 0
it's Leslie from the hangover.
craphappened 4
He looks nothing like jackie chan :/
MissBunny25 0
if people don't know him as the guy in the hangover, you people are seriously deprived of good entertainment :0
rallets 23
or the teacher from Community
1221jamw 11
please all asian people look the same
sunnysurfchick 0
mom needs to quit drinking vodka w/ her OJ.
you_and_me_fml 8
haha that sucks especially if you just got ready..hope you had fun washing that outt
hottie_ogden 0
yea you had one left hehhehehehe btw I am pedobear approved
Jujunut 4
Yes... yes... your life is terrible. Hire a mountain goat with a raging boner to visit your mum as revenge.
marinus_fml 20
We never run out if eggs. We have chickens. yay for me.
winoahh 10
do your chickens lay eggs continuously :O? what did you give them?
MissBunny25 0
they're called laying hens.. they lay eggs.. like all the time.. haha I love how fascinated you just got with chickens
ReynshineCutting 10
Lucky! Once we move we're getting chickens for that exact reason, but while living in a rental in city limits we can't :'(
lemonzone25 17
Why would you need more than one egg..? Fattie.
Mirorbo 27
Generally, a good breakfast consists of two eggs, be them scrambled, fried, poached, or any other way someone may prefer.
love_me_electric 20
Who the hell eats only one egg? I'd still be starving after if that's all I had for breakfast.
creamcheese724 0
one egg and a small potato is enough...fatty
catnip216 0
And each meal should be 400-500 calories, so 2 eggs leaves plenty of room for milk, toast, etc.
ReynshineCutting 10
Some people need more than one egg because they aren't anorexic like you. They're what we call "normal". A dietician or nutritionist should slap you upside the head for saying that.
MissBunny25 0
you spelled fatty like my 7 year old cousin..
Alex94xela 0
oh the irony u call op fatty but look at ur picture u fat ****
pickles1994 18
well maybe the person who said that has a really slow metabolism and barely eats anything and is still fat... quite possible... jussayin :D
xDancer101x 0
eggs r good for u and I lik 2 eggs too and I actually doubt OP is fat and (I actually am a little underweight myself) u r just freakishly skinny
JojoChuo 8
I love eggs, i'd have 3 I'd I could :)
CallMeHush 1
Scrambled egg then, if you want eggS use the hairy one.