Today, I was tossing my car keys into the air and catching them. I threw them up really high, only to have them land in the branches of the palm tree outside my door, at the very top. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML
Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML
Today, my friend invited me to play frisbee golf with him. On my first throw, my frisbee got stuck on a branch near the top of a very tall tree. This is why I don't do sports. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I dropped my keys in the sewer. The spare ones are inside my locked car. FML
Today, I locked my keys in the car while the car was running because I got out to get the parking ticket attached to my windshield. FML
Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML
Today, I sneaked out of work early. I tripped over my own feet while walking up to my car. As I fell, I managed to hit the panic button on my car keys, setting off my car alarm while I lay flat on the ground in the parking lot. FML
Today, my keys disappeared out of my car door during the 50 foot walk to the trash can. When I finally went to security after trying to find them, they said someone drove off with my car right as I walked in the door. FML
Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
Try knocking them out with your house keys.
redbluegreen 41
#1: Is that really the only response you could come up with? I mean, sure the tree has wood, but it's not like it can do anything with it. When you see a tree, do you automatically think of having sex with it? Does it, I dare say, spark some of your hottest fantasies?
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Comments (164)
Shookitup 0
You sir fail at life, please tell everyone when to not be driving when you are.
mrahhhhh 21
Buddy easy fix. Go to the zoo and rent a monkey. Get it to climb the tree and get your keys. When it does give it a banana as a reward. I would suggest you do it but judging be your post you're as stupid as a monkey but not nearly as agile. Disclaimer: For those who were previously offended by my comment about the low intelligence of hairy simians... please get a life.
SirWhatsHisFace 0
Or he could find a giraffe to climb.
TheTigerRoars 0
Where's Trollz? :D -Fluffy McTiger
MAGNAVOX 0
I took care of trollz. >:Q
TheTigerRoars 0
Darn, so much for a feast. -Fluffy McTiger
MAGNAVOX 0
I'm kidding he's not dead yet, all of relatives are though. They make nice seats:)
TheTigerRoars 0
Phew, thank goodness. When we're done with him, could you make me a hat? Giraffe skin is coming into fashion now, so I want to be a 'head' of the game. Bwahahaha, puns... -Fluffy McTiger
MAGNAVOX 0
yes of course!
awsomechick212 0
wow that's dumb
FYLDeep 26
When I walk around with the keys out of my pocket I keep them secure inside my palms. Apparently you do too, but in a different manner.
garza559 0
****
SirWhatsHisFace 0
cookies.
MissGrinch 4
Cadavers.
SuperRichFish 6
cheese. these comment and replies isabit random? all grammer kitty, i know these is the wrong word so what should I use :s
SuperRichFish 6
sorry and* not all, iPods grammer check :L
FFML_314 12
*GRAMMAR!
MissGrinch 4
Goldfish!
FFML_314 12
PIRANHAS!
MissGrinch 4
Pirates!
redbluegreen 41
PENIS!
FFML_314 12
PUSILLANIMOUS!
MissGrinch 4
Phallus!
FFML_314 12
PEDANTIK!
redbluegreen 41
PLAUSIBLE!
MissGrinch 4
Perfect usage! ^ Edit: I really thought I was under FFML_314's comment. I failed.
FFML_314 12
PENINSULA!
redbluegreen 41
PAIZOGONY!
FFML_314 12
PERINEUM!
FFML_314 12
PUSSY!
redbluegreen 41
PARASIGMATISM!
FFML_314 12
PARACHUTE!
morgan320 0
PONY
Spastastic 6
PERENNIAL.
boatkicker 5
PONTIFICATE
ScaryyMary 14
PORK!
H8rSk8r 0
Obama! ( see what I did there? )
failblorg 0
I guess you could say you don't know your own strength... or garden! AHAHAHAHAHA
dreamering 16
Date a squirrel so you won’t have this kind of problems anymore
redbluegreen 41
Yeah, but it'll only work if he's nuts.
FFML_314 12
WHY? Why must you people talk about squirrels?
CRrawsum 7
You must have a hell of an arm to get it stuck that high...
atalia831 0
how are there palm trees in Texas?
CRrawsum 7
I live in Dallas, no palm trees here....
Freeze_fml 17
Galveston.
CoachLlama 5
Throw your wallet up there to knock them out.