Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 80 year-old grandad is having more sex in his retirement home than I am as a married man. And by that I mean his care staff had to call me to say they found him having sex. That’s once this year, whereas I’ve not had sex with my wife in three years. I can’t afford to divorce her. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML
Today, I saw a video in class about women aged 65+ and their sex lives. An elderly, blind woman was having sex at her senior's home. I don't know what's worse, watching an hour-long documentary on this, or the fact that these women are having way more sex than I am. FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, I saw my 89 year-old grandmother naked. She just moved in with us and apparently, she has an "open door policy." FML
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Top comments
unlucky_vee_13 0
we're pretty close...but that's just TMI!
AliSama 17
she is probably just senile and is speaking of an earlier time. some elderly live in their childhood/young adulthood and still see things they saw when they here young/
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Comments (30)
jack_ass 0
There's a kodak moment!
stfuxxn00b 0
You deadass? Thats ill.
beyondperception 0
I'm sorry, but that's just too funny for words! And, yes, she's probably getting more than you.
pwot 0
Ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ha.
anthem_fml 0
haha, maybe she's not doing it all the time, maybe she's giving up something for lent that she doesn't do. you know, like giving up booze for lent if you dont drink. xD but if she is getting some, well, good for her. you know that when you're 81 you'll want to get laid too.
Tihihi1 0
Lol, first i thought you spelled it wrong and meant rent (i know, stupid, but i'm an atheist and so are most of my friends and family, how would i no wat lent is) and saw really weird pictures of my gran, btw thank you for scaring me for life. but ur of worse, at least my gran didnt tell me about it :P i feel for you. and you guys that r seriously asking for her/his grans number, thats like the opposite of pedo, but i dont remeber wat its called, go see a doctor that will give you some pills :)
podrummer9209 0
Lol, if I followed christianity, I'd just give up gay sex. *shrug* Not doing it, and it's against God's will anyway according to all those Bible-toting zealots. ^Not meant offensively..
Dimaranien 1
ha that reminds me of the gramma on House that had syphilis and became extremely enamored of Ashton Kutcher and House. lol. that doesnt help much i know, but know that you are not the only one who has had things like that happen. They made a show about it. lol. Her son was not happy.
UncleverName_FYL 0
#4 do you think me you and your grandma could ever have a 3sum ;)
karamella_fml 0
What is it with people against older people having sex? One day your kids and grand kids will post a FML about you, too.