Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML
Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke, and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
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Top comments
Bojack_fml 10
Care to share whatever it is you're smoking OP?
IDerive 12
Peripheral vision; thou art a destroyer of pride.
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Comments (57)
ihavenolifehaha 16
Oh
Bojack_fml 10
Care to share whatever it is you're smoking OP?
howard007 18
Id say its time to trim or shave that area op.
Iwannarock1 19
the op sounds like a simpleton. She got what she deserved.
SPN_lover666 27
#38, look at the gender icon again. OP is a man, not a woman.
IDerive 12
Peripheral vision; thou art a destroyer of pride.
mds9986 24
It's kind of funny we don't realize how awful our peripheral vision is. I remember seeing this experiment where people would look at a point and couldn't tell a male from a female person standing in their peripheral vision.
WOTAN1488 24
I would say something to the effect of "man up", but....spiders.
majesticprincess 19
Could always shave :) haha
ihavenolifehaha 16
Just be glad it wasn't an actual spider
Yazoo77 16
Time to trim.
cooltatgar 31
Don't look at your bush down there
ihavenolifehaha 16
Op is a guy and it's normal for guys to have armpit hair lol.
ChinchillaLady 27
OP is a man.