Today, I was pushed over and robbed in a parking lot by a man in an ugly Christmas sweater. When I looked up, I was too distracted by the sweater to even look at his face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML
Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML
Today, I wore my Christmas sweater to work, one with lights sewn into it. Halfway through a meeting, they started flashing uncontrollably and playing tinny carols. I couldn’t turn them off. I had to go shove the whole sweater into a locker in the basement. FML
Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML
Today, I got mugged in broad daylight, in a park, by a teenage girl. To top it off, I'm a grown man. FML
Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML
Today, my friends and I were going to do an ugly sweater photo shoot. When we met up, one of them was wearing a sweater I gave on her birthday. FML
Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML
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Top comments
slushpup9696 12
Gotta compliment the technique, nobody ever expects the "ugly sweater mugging".
fancyclown 9
Hey man, when grandma makes you a sweater, you wear that shit.
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Comments (131)
hottiewitdamesse 8
Sounds like my math teacher, I was wondering why he had all those wallets in his desk.
TiggyBonkers 32
Woah that's actually rather clever
_AssUp_FaceDown 5
His strategy obviously worked
TheLynx_fml 20
The perfect crime