Today, I was pushed over and robbed in a parking lot by a man in an ugly Christmas sweater. When I looked up, I was too distracted by the sweater to even look at his face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML
Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML
Today, I wore my Christmas sweater to work, one with lights sewn into it. Halfway through a meeting, they started flashing uncontrollably and playing tinny carols. I couldn’t turn them off. I had to go shove the whole sweater into a locker in the basement. FML
Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML
Today, I got mugged in broad daylight, in a park, by a teenage girl. To top it off, I'm a grown man. FML
Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML
Today, my friends and I were going to do an ugly sweater photo shoot. When we met up, one of them was wearing a sweater I gave on her birthday. FML
Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML
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Top comments
slushpup9696 12
Gotta compliment the technique, nobody ever expects the "ugly sweater mugging".
fancyclown 9
Hey man, when grandma makes you a sweater, you wear that shit.
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Comments (131)
slushpup9696 12
Gotta compliment the technique, nobody ever expects the "ugly sweater mugging".
cosmosis 12
Definately beats being mugged by the naked man. Thats just awkward....
xSonic 9
So then how did the man manage to shove his ****** up your butthole?
Keyman1212 14
Surprise! He didn't shove his ****** up his butthole, it was his penis!
GoW_Chick 15
Well that explains slot MrMisfit ...
GoW_Chick 15
* a lot Damn you autocorrect!
Honziie 1
Always blame the auto correct
ambowew 7
Did you notice if he had red hair? If he did, you've narrowed it down to one of the Weasleys! Bloody Molly and her ugly Christmas sweaters.
GoW_Chick 15
Well autocorrect is a cruel mistress always being rude by interrupting and changing words while I am trying to type
flamerocker 9
39 - if he had red hair, maybe it was the ginger who's father wouldn't let them donate blood!
zombicidal 11
could have been Cosby still in the Christmas spirit
AnonymousTroll 2
Criminal Mastermind strikes again!
whosays1 7
Well played by the mugger
LaColombianita 26
That must've been one hideous sweater lol I think he did it on purpose.
honeybuncher 3
I always mug ugly. ;)
alphaskater09 9
Is that you in your profile pic? Well if it is than your ugly.
javierrrrm 12
You dont say it was on purpose? -_-t Well it wasnt an accident stealing a car...
ClassyCommando 13
Who the **** said anything about a car, 56?
TheresNoEffingwa 7
And that's exactly how he planned it.
mrbasilio 7
I dont think people mug other accidentaly
saddgurl 0
It's soo ugly I can't stop looking at itX)
tconndabomb 6
Ur hot :)
Nightwing98 22
It's like con artists putting a band-aid on their nose, so when people go to the cops the only description they give are "a guy that was just in a bar fight."
billonator117 1
Twas the plan all along
kut19 6
That's how they get you. Who needs a ski mask to rob someone when you've got a sweater with crocheted kittens on it?
whitey317 0
True fact: that's partially why we couldn't find Bin laden for so long
ClassyCommando 13
I'm not sure how well the sweater technique would hold up against security cameras. I'll look into it.
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
"Today, as a security guard, I was watching video footage of a person being robbed in the parking lot by a man in an ugly Christmas sweater. It was so hideous that it burned my eyes as well as the security footage a few seconds after watching it. I am now blind. FML."
hottiewitdamesse 8
I was thinking more along the lines of candy canes and christmas trees but i guess that works too! ;) ahahaahaha
fancyclown 9
Hey man, when grandma makes you a sweater, you wear that shit.
NiiTeH 7
Especially when it's made with love!
bizarre_ftw 22
And a pocket for your gun and stolen loot (granny knows the game, where do you think she got the yarn?)
cBlackout 13
It was really that bad!?
sugarandspice33 0
Yes
whosays1 7
If it was that distracting to where OP couldn't look away, yes!
macdaddymady 8
For some reason I feel like what he was stealing wasn't important if you didnt look at his face.... It would be my first reaction, but maybe I'm just awkward.
regsworld11 2
You're very pretty(:
regsworld11 2
You're really pretty(:
macdaddymady 8
Thank you, you're beautiful.
nateisbeast 0
Your a cutie.(:
tconndabomb 6
Your hot
getoustahere 7
I think if I got robbed, I would be smart enough to look at his face.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Oh really? No way.
getoustahere 7
#9- nice picture! ...that was sarcasm btw.
KeyboardWarrior 10
My comment was also sarcasm, mainly because your comment was stupid. That is kind of the point of the fml. That's like saying that you wouldn't trip over a rock to someone who just had. Stupid and pointless.
sugarandspice33 0
54- you're stupid and pointless, do yourself a favor and just stop commenting.
getoustahere 7
#54- I think I would be smart enough to not trip over a rock! Lol :)
KeyboardWarrior 10
Why should I stop commenting? Because some idiot on the Internet told me to? I'm not obligated to listen to you, and your comment was almost as stupid as his. It was pointless, as is yours. We all know that if we were mugged we'd look at the mugger. No reason to say so if we're all thinking it. If you think his comment was meaningful you must be ******* retarded. My opinion.
KeyboardWarrior 10
By the way number 7, no hard feelings. Sarcasm can come off quite harsh over the internet, and that was not my intention. I just felt that your comment was kind of unnecessary. If you took it as an insult, my apologies. Have a nice day. ;)
getoustahere 7
Well OP didn't look at his face, all I said was if I robbed I would be smart enough to look at the guys face. No need be a douche bag!
KeyboardWarrior 10
Yes I know, I apologize. I wasn't in the best of moods earlier. No hard feelings?
getoustahere 7
Btw I'm a girl, not a guy.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Yeah I realized after I posted those comments. I didn't bother going back to correct it though.
lolmonster34 0
I feel my pic is the right thing for this convo
bad_chiquita 5
He needed to buy himself a better-looking sweater.
Snafuusmc 12
Billy Cosby wants his sweater back.
astralvagan 20
Hahaha!
shelbitchh 0
Or bill Cosby was the mugger O.o
ICATiger 13
He did not seem to jolly did he??