Today, I was pulling out of my driveway and was watching out for the flowers I'd just planted. I moved my head to look out of my window to avoid them, not realizing my window was up. I then hit my head, broke my nose and drove all over the flowers. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML
Today, I parked, then opened my car door to get out, and somehow managed to practically knock myself out by banging my head on the frame, then on the car door that had slammed back into my forehead as I was still reeling from hitting the roof. A guy walking by asked if I was okay while trying not to laugh. FML
Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML
Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML
Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML
Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As it turns out, watering flowers is much more dangerous than it might sound. FML
Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML
Today, I was practicing my golf swing on my front lawn. I took a swing and on the backstroke the golf club slipped out of my hands. Next thing I know, it hits a neighbor's window, shatters it, and goes right into their living room. FML
Today, I had an unexpected sneezing fit and drove my car through 2 trees and a fence. FML
Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML
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Top comments
Some_guy 6
Today, I was well-rooted in the soil. I was soaking up some rays and generally enjoying being a flower, when some jackass backed over me with their car. FML.
WhyMe1_2_3 0
on the bright side, if your windows were/are clean enough to be mistaken for being down, your doing a kickass job at cleaning :D
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Comments (85)
Seegtease 0
I was confused at why people were complaining about "proceeded" and so I looked it up. One of the definitions reads: "To go forward or onward, especially after an interruption; continue: 'proceeded to his destination'; 'paused to clear her throat, then proceeded'." What he said seems roughly okay. Of course, he could have just skipped the words "proceeded to" altogether, so I don't know.
unibrowicorn 0
#33 people are annoying about "proceeded" because almost every FML uses that word.
turdburgers 0
" I then proceeded to hit my head break my nose and drive over the flowers." Wouldn't it be easier to say 'I hit my head...', instead of 'I then proceeded to hit my head'? Using the word "proceed" doesn't make you sound smarter and just adds unnecessary bulk to the sentence, so I'm not sure why it's so popular.
blankslate 0
Pretty much all of the FMLs could do without any variation of the word "proceed". It's almost always unnecessary. Sorry.
kapowi 0
Today, I was just standing still and clear, as I usually do. Then, one of my owners decides to hit me with a car. It hurt. FML.
FBIWarning 0
dumb ass, YDI
RPGod 0
How do you not realize your window is down? Windex doesn't really work that well, sweetheart!
bipolarchipmunk 0
^ Sea cucumbers don't have to worry about sounding smart. Sea cucumbers just ARE. They ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE. ARE what they ARE.
itsnotfair 0
#27, i love you. really #38, other perspective FMLs are SO ******* ANNOYING
free_Aus 0
You deserved it. Learn to drive and use the mirrors. That's why they are there.