Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
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Top comments
6tori6 5
yet she is the one who put her hand down your crotch...
HandaPitler 1
Women, usually assuming we want to have sex just because we have a boner. i feel your pain op. my ex was the exact same way
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Comments (140)
MrMom1103 4
Go to her computer, pull up the comments page here and some page explaining the male anatomy and its workings and let her figure it out for herself. Then dump her.
nedelife 3
YDI for dating a moron like her.
ughhseriouslywow 10
If she honestly believes you became erect on purpose while making out, then she's not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. And why would she reach for your crotch if she wasn't expecting an erection? To massage your flacid penis through your jeans? I think your best bet is to sit down and have a talk with and just explain how the male anatomy works. Or go find a brighter bulb.
schnitzel123 11
What....? Wow
nvo 6
She sounds young and inexperienced. Are you guys stil in high school? Otherwise she'd judge you by your actions, and not by your boner.
ZombieKitteh 8
You got sexually aroused by a woman kissing you and sticking her hand down your pants? You need to be locked up.
noobsteven 3
I would too. If I were a girl I would rather that than for my boyfriend not to be aroused. I'm not sure what you mean by "Locked up" ?
ThatOneDrummer 8
Break it off; you don't need that kind of stupid being passed on to your potential children in the future!
Isa_fml 20
Go go gadget boner?
michiganlost 2
RRRRRUUUNNNNNN
CandiBoo 9
Lol. Why was her hand onto ur crotch if 'nothing' was going to happen? Wonder how she would feel if you had no erection at all.