Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML
Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, me, my boyfriend and his family stayed at an AirBnB while on a trip. While I was doing my makeup, my boyfriend told me he was going to take a shower. A few minutes later, I went in the bathroom to shave my legs thinking my boyfriend was in there, but his dad was in the shower, scrubbing his ass. FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to dinner to meet my parents. He agreed to be on his best behavior, but when my mom told us about some shady stuff going on at her job, he replied that it sounded "fishier than Justin Bieber's cunt." We were quickly kicked out. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML
Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the BDSM catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML
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Top comments
PensiveCub 0
ummmm what the **** are coxj puppets? and in the shower? I'm lost.
PsychoMerk 0
haha, anal and **** in the same sentence... might as well write a steamy story ;)
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Comments (133)
tthatguy 0
I'm not sure but I think it's "your" not "you're" haha :P
amarkley 0
a sock puppet is when u put a sock with a face on it over ur c**k while ur hard and u make it go up and down while talking so it seems as if it was talking
IDOLGIRL 0
you are = you're...as in 'you're playing on FML' your is for possession...as in 'your dog is ugly' easy to know which is correct by reading the sentence fully, and checking if the word 'are' is appropriate in that sentence. grammar 101 class dismissed
saranwrap69 0
totally hilarious xP quit yer bitchn :P it hadta be funny to watch
kylepwn1 0
puppet...s? he had multiple cocks? a friend over maybe?
zinc890 0
I... what???
Andrew1122 0
this is weird
Classifieds 0
Have none if you seen "Puppetry of the Penis"? It can be quite amusing. Although it was just on tv one day, I don't usually watch that kind of thing.
DGross 8
Reading Snickerdoodles' error brought a feeling of grief to my soul... ( oh no... did I misuse the apostrophe?) Then I made a **** puppet and the feeling went away...
beer01 0
That's cute! (; hahahahaha! at least he has a sense of humor.