Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, on my way home, a truck driver was speeding next to me and as he passed I saw his truck was the kind that takes livestock to be butchered. I was thinking that I didn’t look to see if there were animals in there. Suddenly, brown items hit my windshield. Yes, it didn’t "hit the fan," it hit my car. FML
Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend was driving on a busy highway when she slammed on the brakes, causing a multi-car accident. She then ran across several lanes, almost getting smashed by a truck, because she thought she saw a dog in the road. It was already dead. Insurance is gonna be a nightmare. FML
Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML
Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML
Today, I was driving home when I saw my boyfriend chundering on the side of the road, into an old lady's shopping basket. FML
Today, my boyfriend knocked into me with his car. I drove myself to the hospital because he couldn't stop laughing long enough to drive. FML
Today, I was driving home from work with the window down. I felt what I thought was rain coming through the window, until I looked over and realized it was urine mist coming from the cattle truck next to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend crashed our car into the car ahead. He was trying to pull away from the traffic lights faster than the person next to us, a ten-year-old kid on a bicycle. FML
Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
traviscool 12
Well that's a load of shit!
Fuaaad1994 31
He wouldn't be laughing after you give him one big hug
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (148)
traviscool 12
Well that's a load of shit!
incoherentrmblr 22
Talk about a blackout. Shit must've really gone with the wind...
feelingold 18
Mmm. Facial. ....I bet if some celebrity said it cured wrinkles, people would pay thousands for it....
Blackhawk706 23
Bullshit!
citytown 5
Yeah, I bet OP had a cow!
crystalxa 35
That is firggin hilarious! It probably wasn't fun trying to wash that out of your hair! Hopefully your bf is gonna get his car detailed after that!
kalinka07 5
OP shouldn't be sad that none of it hit her boyfriend. He was the one driving...
incoherentrmblr 22
Boom! Headshot!...
Adm_Twigs 19
this thread along with this FML is a new favorite!
False_Stupidity 42
Shit got real with this one.
traviscool 12
I bet she didn't facepalm though
abhi95 31
Well.. Are you sure it was a cow? Or did a bull just bullshit you?
Rainhawk94 27
Does it matter
incoherentrmblr 22
No one gives a flying shit...
OysterPearls 33
It's a good think your profile picture is already facepalming you.
randompizzaguy 17
this comment was shittier than the fml.
zadrvzrjlzamfj 11
oooohh my god!! that ***** big time!!....hope u got your boyfriend to clean you up...only then he would understand...
Fuaaad1994 31
He wouldn't be laughing after you give him one big hug
SunTzu2 9
The perfect move!!!! Nice one :-))
Yeshua_fml 19
I think she meant he was going crazy. Like in shock. Not laughing.
iAlissa 34
87, I'm assuming she meant laughing hysterically, to be honest.
Yeshua_fml 19
You have to mention laughter though. Otherwise it becomes hysteria. ("He was hysterical." = "He went bat-shit.")
sweetnsourrr 11
#97 I am pretty sure the OP meant he was laughing his ass off. hysterical means uncontrollable emotion or fear which means it could mean any emotion, laughing is an emotion. OP was definitely implying he was laughing, not upset..
forthewynne 18
It could really go either way. OP's comment after that, which says that none of it got on him, could also imply that he was freaking out when none of it even got on him, but got all over OP.
thisguy22 33
Laughing is an action. Joy or amusement would be the accompanying emotion depending on the situation... But I digress.
mclovin22897 15
my guess is her boyfriend is laughing because he thought it was funny.
nurchok 15
One big hug and a French kiss would teach him a lesson...
gauravkunwar 14
hahahaha..... so much accuracy! oh... sorry for the laugh. FYL
Joshwarrior 39
More like they just carpet bombed her lol
Redoxx_fml 22
What and what ?
Joshwarrior 39
I'm assuming he meant the cows had accuracy. Carpet bombing an area just hits a whole are without much accuracy. Military term
Soulsbane96_fml 11
Her boyfriend didn't get hit, meaning it didn't hit a wide area. Thus your carpet bombing assessment doesn't work.
Joshwarrior 39
Touché (:
superjewguy 19
that's a stinky situation
mb2_native 15
I knew these shitty puns were gunna bomb through the comments.
that1guy35 3
hehe shitty...
jdesa 2
#43 you're a shit face
Joshwarrior 39
There is nothing to say to make that situation better for you haha, but if it makes you feel any better you just made my day
zandalee 20
Love the way you wrote this OP. Ever thought of getting into creative writing? :-)
jdesa 2
Wtf^
HeyTherexxx 21
#89- The person above you is thread-jacking. No need to worry about it.
Joshwarrior 39
The weird part is that they thread jacked me and not someone higher up
HeyTherexxx 21
It's because the ones above already had comments.
b00kn3rd 14
A hilarious story to tell for the rest of your life! In cases like this you just have to sit back and laugh until you can get to a shower.
mb2_native 15
Or cry, either or is understandable in that situation. OP, just whip your arm towards him to make some fly at him too haha
b00kn3rd 14
I like the arm flick idea but I'd rather laugh than cry. ;-)
Sebastian2022 22
I'm out of witty comments...sorry OP.
thomcmoore 23
Thanks for the contribution
whenitdidhappen 14
you should have gave him a french kiss
gimmecko 5
who let you out of 4chan?
Zomg_Okay 27
Sorry! Sorry! You nod off for ONE goddamn second and all hell breaks loose...