Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML
Today, my boss overheard me in a bathroom stall talking about how much I hate my job and couldn’t stand him. He didn’t say a word, I hadn't even heard him come in, I just noticed him staring silently at me through the crack in the stall, before leaving. FML
Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML
Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML
Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say, "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML
Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
You can't really say you didn't mean it, though.
benhd1 14
"And while your at it, the window too."
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Comments (86)
Welshite 40
You can't really say you didn't mean it, though.
unknown_user5566 27
I'd likely feel somewhat satisfied if I were OP. At least the truth came out. Plus, at least OP said "please".
mattlw 25
Agreed. I would have felt quite satisfied, even if it was a mistake.
M_Rainbow 7
He just didn't mean to say it
KK3137 31
Ah, the Freudian twists of life.
iheartkanye 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Shoulda just hired someone to kill him.
Toasty283 8
Why the hell would you try to reenact horrible bosses?
SystemofaBlink41 27
That's a little too rough... Injure him, maybe...
Darkcamzy 10
Lol they should of just tried to play it off like it never happened or blame it on someone else
kamikrazy 6
What's with people hiring people to kill people for them.
Googolman 29
Where's Wormtail when you need him?
Randomer224 6
YES. xD
thosedogtags 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well, now the feelings are mutual between the two of you. You hate him, and he most likely hates you too! **** your life, dude. (:
amDes 11
Gotta be careful what you say to the boss man that's for sure!
PandaKitteh 20
Right, because mutual hatred is just great... >_>
seansbro56 10
This is a case where u dont deserve it but HE does!!
BronayPonay 6
Ooh that bites! It's alright, that happens to most of us, so hopefully he'll understand if you explained yourself well.
euphoricness 28
"Uhm... Cedric I'm sorry for what I said earlier.. It's just... It's just that you're a jackass is all" I'm sure he would understand if OP explained, too
benhd1 14
"And while your at it, the window too."
etishuman22 32
Much more tasteful, I think.
emeraldisle 30
*you're
TotallyAradical 14
I had to read it three times to realize that the FML was that he meant to say window....
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
24 you chihuahua's are a bit slow.
NurseJonathan 9
The boss's reaction might have been the same as the cat in your picture.
benhd1 14
Forgive me, I was so excited that I had a witty comment that grammar went right out the window. Mostly because Cedric didn't close it.
BulldogHoops 14
I think #49 may have just won the internet whilst only a mere one comment after a grammatical error! I have yet to see an accomplishment so incredible. I sincerely wish you best of luck in your further endeavors, such as hacking North Korea.
BradTheBrony 19
AND IT COMES FULL-CIRCLE Dude, I think you won. Just won in general. EVERYBODY PACK IT UP, GAME'S OVER! I don't care if you use a noose or a gun or whatever, but quite clearly, the entirety of human civilization was leading up to this ONE moment in time, and now that we've reached it, the human race will never top this, and we might as well just off ourselves now, spare us the pain of knowing that we have no purpose in life anymore.
McNikk 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Were there that many people playing along with his jokes? Is everyone in your workplace that much if a kiss up?
siberianhamster 17
Don't worry dude, when you grow up and enter the workplace, you'll have plenty of opportunities to tell you bosses exactly what you think of them. Pro tip though: don't.
amDes 11
Only if you want to keep your job. The one I just quit I used to tell my bosses off all the time and for some reason they always just took it, but most likely because I would kiss up all the other times lol. Pick and choose your battles and know who you are talking too and how much they will take. If he's a dick don't push your luck!
benhd1 14
I'm sure that attitude goes far when keeping down a job is concerned.
SS99_fml 20
Well hey that makes two things that need shutting...you should ask your boss to politely stop the jokes in all honesty if it actually bothers you, he should at least listen to you
MuseFan1991 14
agreed, as long as it's worded diplomatically OPs boss shouldn't have a problem with it. unless he's from Horrible Bosses
I_Am_A_Rock 22
Freudian slips. They get you every time
tygerarmy 35
Freudian slips, when you mean one thing but you say your mother.
Liamj774 36
Oh, so it is kind of like auto-condom
Liamj774 36
-_-
RedPillSucks 33
Who the hell puts a condom on their car? O.o
lonewolf621 17
Tell him how you hate people that cant keep their mouths shut
NurseJonathan 9
Because that'll definitely save his job.