Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I yelled at one of my employees for trying to discreetly slip out of a meeting, and demanded he sit up front so I could make sure he stayed for the whole time. Three minutes later, he shat his pants. FML
Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say, "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML
Today, I got fired. My coworker decided to imitate my voice, stand outside of my boss's office door, and say insulting things about his daughter. FML
Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, my boss fired me for causing a "commotion" at work while running the vacuum. FML
Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML
Today, I assisted a customer at work. She was asking me all sorts of stupid questions and acting like an entitled, spoiled brat. When she left, since I had a mask on, I meant to mouth, "Stupid bitch" but I blurted it out loud. Everyone heard. I was fired. FML
Today, my boss fired me because I corrected him after he misspoke during a meeting. FML
Today, I was caught on a hot mic during a work department meeting complaining about someone using a leaf blower, F-bombs and all. FML
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Top comments
WarMachine68 24
Took me longer than it should have to realize the "f" word was "fired".
mattzawesome 28
This is why I don't want a management position later in life.
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Comments (87)
mattzawesome 28
This is why I don't want a management position later in life.
Kramer1998 20
Yeah you do, more money more better
OopsyDoodle 6
money or sanity, hmm.. are you even familiar with retail?
Ninjerman 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Always remember the sleeper hold. Cut off circulation to the brain for roughly 20 seconds and you can make *anyone* a good listener?
Enkeria 30
Isn't that like super illegal and considered attempted murder or battery?
Flyndaran 10
Illegal for civilians, but not for cops in the U.S. Though many departments frown on it and don't teach its use.
Lalala579121 28
Good listeners are typically conscious to actually hear what you are saying.
DedeleMan 21
dude, in 20 seconds you can cause serious brain damage or even kill someone. it takes seven seconds for someone in a hold to lose consciousness. do you even know what you're talking about?
daemonsparta 16
you dont hold it for 20 seconds you dingbat
FenHarel 9
Well, the poster said "in 20 seconds" so what? you stare at him for the remainder hard enough and maybe he'll hold his breath in fear?
dannnngthatsux 19
#52, try again, brain damage takes 3+ minutes of anoxia, 9x more than a 20 second sleeper hold. I've helps my breath for 3 minutes underwater before, 20 seconds? And in cold water anoxia can take up to 13 minutes for permanent brain damage.
coolbeansbruh 13
"anyone" wtf bro......brutal. op don't take #2's advice
SAGARCo 19
Numero 74, the sleeper hold not only cuts off air, but also the blood rushing to your brain.
ecamp12 15
Well good thing you fired him... Even though it took much of a struggle...
WarMachine68 24
Took me longer than it should have to realize the "f" word was "fired".
Steve95401 49
Same with me.
MissCloudy249 14
Honestly, I didn't even realize until I read your comment. I thought OP just said "****", but "fired" makes a lot more sense now...
LilMissCanadian 22
I didn't even know! Wow I totally misread that.
zarrganaut 17
Same here! Haha
WD_Stevens 22
Wow. It makes a lot more sense now. I was kinda expecting comments decrying the use of swearing in a professional sense.
Taolan 23
Yep.
I_Like_Dogs 28
I spent a relatively long time wondering why the hell OP said "****" while firing someone. Then I felt stupid.
yaoi_chan 8
Lol now only I realized thanks to ur comment . I first thought the op deserved it for not handling it in a formal way or sth. Oh well
ShyVi 18
I read the FML like 6 times wondering why an employer would use the F word, even when firing someone. Then after reading this comment, it all made sense.
CoffeeChickBlows 13
I know you'll get over defensive and bury me, but seriously? You and nearly 500 people who upvoted you? It's called context and basic reading skills, people.
cho_bee 9
Me too!
thisguy22 33
@65 I, along with what I assume is a multitude of others, only up-voted this comment because it was funny not because I made the same mistake.
gogo44444 28
Same here
StanSmith2013 26
How did he get the job in the first place?
redmeer 1
usually by lying and submitting false resumes
dannnngthatsux 19
Nepotism?
alexanderavatar 24
YOU"RE FIR... Whaaaaaat? I got promoted and got your job awww thank you. Your so kind
Ashamed_Sister 60
That sounds dangerous. I would have called police.
Lalala579121 28
"Help, an employee I'm trying to fire is being snippy!"
alexanderavatar 24
as long as the cops don't fire him we are good
fakedsincerity 32
No #44, more like he wouldn't leave their property and therefore the police could remove him.
kovalsky_fml 10
For an incompetent worker he sure gave the three of you a run for your money.
mollydick 12
what was his job anyways?
Lalala579121 28
Apparently not being a child.
spursunited 19
I can just imagine him with his hands over his ears as they drag him out shouting, LALALALA I CANT HEAR YOU IM NOT FIRED LALALALALALALA!!!
erindgentry 28
I bet he shows back up to work Monday
spursunited 19
And he fortunately got that big promotion with the raise right?