Today, I was home alone tanning in my backyard which is fairly secluded. I took my top off and laid there for awhile before I looked over and saw the UPS guy standing at my gate with a package because nobody answered the door. I looked horrified and he said not to worry, he'd seen better. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML
Today, I was home alone when the doorbell rang. I panicked and hid under the table because I wasn’t expecting anyone and I have minor social anxiety. It was just Amazon dropping off a package. I made eye contact with the delivery guy through the window. FML
Today, I got a notification that a package had been delivered. I opened my door and saw it on at doorstep. I was expecting one, so I grabbed and opened it, then realized it wasn’t mine, but my neighbor’s. I had to awkwardly re-tape it, then sneak over and leave the disturbing contents of the box on their porch before they noticed. FML
Today, I decided to go tanning. I went outside and took my top off and laid out in the sun for about an hour. When I was about to go inside a phone rang. It belonged to one of the five men that were working on my roof and watching me the entire time. FML
Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML
Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML
Today, I got a notice on my apartment door that I'd received a package when no one was home, and it was left at the backdoor. I don't have a backdoor. FML
Today, I was doing weird voice impressions for my friend right before the doorbell rang and I had the front window open. The postman looked at me strangely, handed me my parcel and didn't say a word. FML
Today, I thought I'd take advantage of the lovely weather and sunbake topless in my grandmother's back yard. My grandma went up the street to do some shopping and didn’t tell me that men were coming to mow the lawn. I was laying on my back. FML
Today, I was home alone in the dark and I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't know who it was so I didn't answer. They kept ringing, so I got a bit scared and called the police. When the police showed up, they told me it was a Chinese delivery guy with the wrong address. FML
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Top comments
mikeyellenlee 0
You deserved that. You say your backyard is secluded, but there's a gate that people on the other side can easily see through? Wake up lady!
Seegtease 0
If you don't want people seeing your boobs, don't tan topless if it's possible for people to peek or visitors to see you from the gate. Just some advice.
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Comments (35)
ridiculous_gnome 0
creepy ups dude... imagine waking up with that mofo looking at your face... get a guard dog...
Dr_Evil_Genius 0
I work for UPS (better known as Under-Paid Slaves). In residential areas, drivers are supposed to look for every opportunity to deliver the package unless otherwise indicated by the recipient. The longer the package spends in the system, the greater the chance of the piece getting lost or damaged. As for the boobs, who gives a shit? If you don't have it, you just don't. No woman has everything and **** aren't the most important thing to a real man. Don't have a pity party about what you don't have. Be thankful for what you do have. If boobs were so important, the best-looking women wouldn't be as miserable as most of them are.
Darvocet 0
This is even funnier to me because one of my friend's girlfriend posted this exact same story word for word on his facebook....
jazz2dasmith 0
by no his fce book do you mean your friend
Darvocet 0
and if this is the person I'm thinking of, your boobs are fine. ;)
podrummer9209 0
#29, **** are one of the driving forces of the universe. Fine legs, on the other hand, are certainly important. ^_^ #31, that's a little creepy.
Older_one 0
creepy....
jyn_fml 0
you should have said you've seen bigger "package" ;]
Lanky_fml 0
haha jyn, you just made my day xD
casii 0
i love your UPS guys. ;)
Kockdiesel 0
classic. you shouldve told him you'd seen bigger packages.