Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML
Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML
Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me a "controlling, overbearing psychopath." What did I do? I found out her best friend is trying to persuade her to cheat on me and I demanded she cut her friend off. I'm better off single, I know, but it still hurts. FML
Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML
Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, after an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to be dramatic by slamming my car door shut as hard as I could. Something broke and now it won't open. Now I have to climb through the passenger's side just to drive my car to work. FML
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Top comments
muhaidib 2
Wow, I think you might need to look for another crush...
skinthesnakes 6
she now has 3 reasons not to ever make a joke about you again.
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Comments (152)
weenis69 0
Hey man her fault not yours
FruityLoooons 8
Why do you sound like you'd be a pretty awesome friend? :D
RoxxyHustle 7
Well I guess she learned not to talk sh*t now didn't she?
imaninja1 9
Haha way to go
peacelovepugs 7
Would you like a side of epic with your fail?
oops_im_fucked 8
Just like Ur profile pic
taurus27 0
hehe, your number is 69 ^ d:
jaybabyx3 0
Epic fail was so 5 months ago.
DrIDGAF 7
Buy her a splint
Jazzalyn 10
Accident, now really? I say we have a possible yandere in the making here.
theonlysweetpea 10
YDI! You should have done it on purpose! What a hateful bitch! (her, not you) You should take her boyfriend while you're at it!
hatemyluck 15
You don't even know what the joke was. It could have been an innocent, funny joke that was taken too seriously because of op's jealousy.
CLW_fml 9
12, you're trying to spell sociopath. OP means psychopath.
drizzy212 4
Good job