Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML
Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML
Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me a "controlling, overbearing psychopath." What did I do? I found out her best friend is trying to persuade her to cheat on me and I demanded she cut her friend off. I'm better off single, I know, but it still hurts. FML
Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML
Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, after an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to be dramatic by slamming my car door shut as hard as I could. Something broke and now it won't open. Now I have to climb through the passenger's side just to drive my car to work. FML
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Top comments
muhaidib 2
Wow, I think you might need to look for another crush...
skinthesnakes 6
she now has 3 reasons not to ever make a joke about you again.
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Comments (152)
skinthesnakes 6
she now has 3 reasons not to ever make a joke about you again.
cBlackout 13
Call me psycho... One more time.
UnknwnClassicGrl 5
1. Beware, you will end up with broken bones. 2. Is for the next person to comment..
krysxkatastrophe 14
You can't tell them it was an accident?
perdix 31
CTFD, you're just a bitch and a klutz.
zembof 3
No ur a bitch
hogs3212 0
Did u still get to eat?
Amrel 10
Just forget about your crush its a little late
slipperyeyebrow 0
it's okay your crush probably has a bloody hand job fetish.
IndiRae 9
Bloody hand hand job fetish? That's majorly ****** up. Where does the blood come from? Thanks. I will be up all night pondering this.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Indi, it's a common fetish among cannibals. It's the reason homeless people dissapear off the streets.
BitchesBeHatin 1
I say this is a win. Karmas a bitch and look at the bright side, shes not going to be crackin anymore jokes.
Havin 19
Totally agree!!
Ashleigh_Kae 11
#34 I love you.
c0c0_fml 16
Sure it was an accident ;)?
xrainbowshadowx 17
It was just an accident. Don't worry OP, they'll forget about it soon enough, and when they'll look back at it, they'll laugh about it.
ugottaluvme 0
Except the girl with three broken fingers, and OP, an he crush... So i dont think anyone will look back and laugh.
Buttsexpirate 9
Well it was probably you screaming "Bitch!" at the top of your lungs before slamming the door that caused that reaction.