Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML
Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML
Today, right before sex, with his dick out and the condom in one hand, the guy I was with answered a phone call from his mum. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML
Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML
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Top comments
Miller_Time 0
See, that's just really, really awkward. Like in the way you never want anything to be.
Shadic 0
Why'd he answer the phone?
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Comments (91)
annis_fml 0
Hahahaha....that's hilarious....at least it makes for a good story to tell
generalsmith2 0
what this tells me is that both your lives suck in many many different ways.
Atropos_fml 0
This sounds exactly like Teeth, except it was the guy's friend, not his mom.
IsntThisAwkward 0
minus the teeth.. and eating of the penis... and dare...
effed_up_life 0
nothing puts you in the mood like talking to your mom right?
soonerfan 0
Probably wanted a threesome
Kitten125 0
It sounds like he has self esteem issues.... :P
gregthestrange 3
not **** your life, it's more of a **** his life
leighzzy09 0
**** his life. if his own mother thinks her kids unlayable thats a problem. and if he's answering calls in the middle i doubt your any good anyways
WeStayCrunk24x7 0
"Hello? oh mom c'mon i told you to stop calling me when im having sex. Yes i actually am this time. Fine you want to talk to her?
teardrop_fml 0
****! I'd be pissed if he answered that when we were doing it... I'd just tell his mom... "nope, he just paid me to talk on the phone... he's really a loser" Revenge is sweet :)