Today, I was getting everything ready for mine and my husband's first wedding anniversary. Flowers, check. Crisp new bed sheets, check. Silk underwear, check. Crippling cramps and an early period, check. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to realize I got my period a week early. The day of the after-wedding brunch. In a sort of remote area. Without pads or tampons. I need to be at the breakfast in a half-hour. FML
Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML
Today, I started my period. I am getting married tomorrow. So, not only am I going to be on my period for my wedding night and honeymoon, my best friend has to help me change my pad because my dress is so big. FML
Today, I got my period. I was going to have my first threesome tomorrow. FML
Today, it's the first day of a long-needed vacation after weeks of stress and overtime. I'm having such intense period cramps, I'm bathed in sweat. FML
Today, I'm at the ER for my first ever UTI and potential other "down there" issues. Yesterday I got married. FML
Today, I woke up and my husband said he got me a gift for our one year anniversary and that it was on the table. We laid around cuddling and when I finally got up I was expecting to walk out to beautiful bouquet of flowers. I got two packs of cigarettes. FML
Today, I went all out for my husband on our anniversary. I planned meals, took him to a stage show, and got him a bottle of cologne he loves. He was moody, distant, and at one point crying. Why? He found out his ex-wife is getting married today and he couldn’t stop thinking about her. FML
Today, I had been looking forward to sex all day, got home, got my husband's engine running, got naked on top of him, violently sneezed at his new aftershave, and started my period all over his balls. We were centimetres away from sex and now have to wait 3 to 7 days. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
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Top comments
Rawrshi 25
Bloody hell.
hard_candy 25
pain relieving pills, check. postponed sexy time, check check check.
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Comments (109)
kinky44 28
Sounds like a good time!
arrow007archer 19
Her husband can always "do it from behind"
PennyLane27 32
OP, I feel your pain! That happened to me 5 minutes before my wedding started....
jojimugo 20
Yep #9 if the river runs red take the dirt trail.
quickit 24
Oral is always an option. (If they're both comfortable with it.)
TrippingOnAcid 29
It's only an option for her to give oral to him. No pleasure in it for OP!
Enslaved 38
Why is that? He can please her in return. There's so much more to sex then just sticking it in. Even if the OP just uses a standard tampon, there's plenty of things the husband can do to please her. The clit is on the outside of her body. Don't underestimate the power of hands and fingers.
Zebediabolical 45
There's plenty of people who'll go down on a girl who's on her period. 'Blood Wings' are a thing for a reason yanno.
flashback_fml 14
You mean "red wings" don't you?
dawnimus 21
Some people just don't like to do anything sexual on their period. Personally it makes me feel unsexy as anything and I wouldn't want a guy to try to please me! Especially not with a string hanging out down there...
Zebediabolical 45
You say string... I say fuse for the bloody messy sexytime bomb.
gatorclay97 28
BJ WEEK!!!
ZacPalmer 12
Damn OP. That's happened to my girlfriend too unfortunately :( Is anal an option?
Kerix_FML 10
Suck to be a Female. I got 99 problems but blood aint one.
Rawrshi 25
Bloody hell.
russiancat464 12
ahhhh you beat me to it
mikepzz 27
Haha that response is perfect for her location too! Lol
sayyestothedress 24
Tough luck! At least you'll be in pain on new bed sheets?!
Undecidedlime 6
which she will quickly stain...
HanBroman 20
why did that get down voted? thats exactly what i was thinking, you cant ever use new sheets on a period. The newer they are the more likely your body is to decide you dont deserve nice things
pbnjrox 10
This would make me cry.
hard_candy 25
pain relieving pills, check. postponed sexy time, check check check.
Rawrshi 25
Pain relievers and an old towel could save the situation if they're up to it. Orgasms are great for helping with cramps if it's not too painful to do anything to achieve ******. Afterwards a nice heating pad, snuggles, a favourite treat, and a movie can do wonders for the morale aspect.
xoamy906 25
Or shower sex! Pop some pain relievers, wait for them to kick in and shower together and have fun in there
RA91 26
Daaaang, Mother Nature at her worst, lol!
shinikageWolf 15
New white linen check bloody white linen check.
PennyLane27 32
Two words- "red" and "wings". Earn em!
boxers4lyfe 17
The cramps would be more of a hinderance on sex than the period IMO.
Rodville 28
Looks like the start of ******* week.
J215B 33
You can't fault mother natures timing
Enslaved 38
I can't tell people this enough. There's something on the market called "Soft cups". It inserts just like a diaphragm. You can have "clean" sex. Blood shouldn't be an issue if used properly.
BBeffedmylife 28
This really weirds me out.. but at the same time I am oh so curious.
devildog562 33
When the river runs red....
sturschaedel 27
If you aren't comfortable with those there are also soft tampons. The look like a marshmellow and are like a sponge.
boxers4lyfe 17
Those soft cups don't work for every woman. I would know :/
Enslaved 38
#28 I'm sure that might be a rare case for some but at least you learnt about the product. Most never even heard about it and dread their cycle. My period is never an issue.
syed121417 22
I'm a woman who has sex on her period, but usually towards the end when her period is very light. This really interests me and I'm going to look into it. Are they in pharmacies and stores?
boxers4lyfe 17
Yes they are and if they work with your body I'm sure they work great. I, however, just shower afterwards. They're single use and that can add up $$$
sourgirl101 29
For those that can use them, they sell them at Walgreens. It's $8 for a box of 12. And they can be washed and reused for your entire period. I can't take the pill so I'm at mother nature's mercy when I get my period. If you still find it's too much money, then only use them as a back up plan if you want to be intimate. To me, great worry free sex is worth its cost.
boxers4lyfe 17
That plastic isn't designed to be reused so to anyone who tries them, if you wash em, keep an eye out for tears in the cup. If you want a cup for the purpose of mess free period, id suggest diva cup and use soft cups for sex purposes.
foxwasalamb 24
yeah i was gonna say. i use the diva cup and its great. sex on your period with it in? nope
wishfulthinks 19
There are so many other ways to control your period than the pill. I use contraceptive patches and they're great. You stick each one on your skin like a nicotine patch, leave it on for a week and then replace it twice (so you have them on for 3 weeks) and then have a week off so you can bleed. They both control and lighten the strength and pain of the dreaded red river.