Today, I had been looking forward to sex all day, got home, got my husband's engine running, got naked on top of him, violently sneezed at his new aftershave, and started my period all over his balls. We were centimetres away from sex and now have to wait 3 to 7 days. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML
Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML
Today, I couldn’t wait to get home and get my boyfriend naked, which I did. Although, to be honest, popping every single pimple in the rash on his back was not the kind of foreplay I had had in mind. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML
Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML
Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML
Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML
Today, my husband and I were just about to have sex. The last few months have been a shitstorm of stress, personal tragedy, financial crises, and family drama. When we finally got a moment to ourselves, I was struck with a literal shitstorm in the form of agonizing diarrhea. It’s been two hours now. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Today, I was getting everything ready for mine and my husband's first wedding anniversary. Flowers, check. Crisp new bed sheets, check. Silk underwear, check. Crippling cramps and an early period, check. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Jon Tessler 14
that is why they invented towels.
geerod 16
Many have and enjoy sex during menses, can even relieve cramps - you were a bloody mess anyway, should have tried it!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (13)
Jon Tessler 14
that is why they invented towels.
sch00ln3rd 11
What I came here to say…
poopface82 25
You could lend him your mouth as a peace offering.
geerod 16
Many have and enjoy sex during menses, can even relieve cramps - you were a bloody mess anyway, should have tried it!
JackWood 21
It rinses off with water.
RichardPencil 32
You might prefer waiting, but he might accept a ******* if he's in a generous mood.
Maddy Bee 12
some women (myself included) can actually become more sensitive during their periods, and sex is much more enjoyable. do it anyway. 👍🏻
Pink_Turnips 14
whats the point of having a sword if you cant get it bloody
Marcella1016 32
3 to 7 days? That’s quite a spread. Does your period really fluctuate that much??
Crowned Sataness 12
period is the best time to have sex! throw a towel down or hop in the shower. it's just a little blood
Blobby McGee 5
do it anyway. Hop in the shower