Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML
Today, I was eating a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML
Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some Cheez-Its I had in my room. After I'd enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Today, instead of reaching for some unhealthy food, I tried to eat some dates instead. It was all fine until I bit one in half and saw a rather large, squirming maggot inside. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
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Top comments
Intoxicunt 6
Were you eating black chips? I think FML has taught me to never pick up "food" I dropped and eat it. Also, nice username.
chcagr 1
Once upon a time I was eating pizza while watching television. Out of the corner of my eye I see one lonely piece of sausage left in the box. I pick it up and eat it, of course I don't bother to look at it. It was a stink bug. It turns out that they don't just stink, they taste BAD as well. You can't just spit out the taste of a stink bug. Oh well, live and learn.
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Comments (90)
chcagr 1
Once upon a time I was eating pizza while watching television. Out of the corner of my eye I see one lonely piece of sausage left in the box. I pick it up and eat it, of course I don't bother to look at it. It was a stink bug. It turns out that they don't just stink, they taste BAD as well. You can't just spit out the taste of a stink bug. Oh well, live and learn.
imawesome0408 0
OMG how long did the taste last? gross Dx
aback 5
So? Turnabout is fair play.
sarahlizzy 0
That's protein, that is!
fuckingshitt343 0
how many fml's are there going to be about people eating and drinking like bugs..? even before i knew about this site i would and still do check everything before i eat and drink it. ughh.
sawfanatic 0
that's what ya get for eating everything around you.
kratos8217 0
How ******* dirty is your pad when you have ticks and can mistake them as food. i say YDI for being a ******* pig!
gangsterbert 0
You Deserve it for being a fatass!
donttalkshit 0
stfu I'm sure you eat chips too.
jessxoxo28 5
ewww, thats wat u get for eating "crumbs" off the table
Whirling_Kumquat 0
Am I the only one who misread it as "It was a dick?"
franfran_fml 0
Hahahaha. I guess someone's mind is in the gutter.
polico_wolf 0
he DIDNT know it was a tick. He thought it was a crumb.