Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML
Today, I accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Codezlol 21
The joys of parenthood and cleaning poop!
s0m3guy2010 21
That's a pretty useful skill actually. Who needs laxatives when you can just clap your hands?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (92)
mtrrace 4
He was scared shitless
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
It's just like the device that turns on lights with a clap of the hands! Oh, the Clapper! Now your son can say goodbye to constipation forever. I hope he doesn't become a performer of any sort. When he gets a round of applause, it won't be pretty.
kittytub 12
I was just gonna post that, haha. I guess the creators of the Clap On, Clap Off didn't anticipate this!
Ohreo 2
It should be called the Crapper ;)
annie_nk 23
Playing "If you're happy and you know it" with him might not be the best idea lol.
wild_n_out 8
Your son is freakin' adorable.
annie_nk 23
Lol daughter. It's a blue dress she's wearing so yeah.
LaughterofCorn 4
And from here on out, the child had a phobia of clapping and shat themselves at every social gathering that included it.
oj101 33
You scared the shit outta him.
dude1122332 9
I believe that was already established.
aleeshttylXD 9
no shit
skyttlz 32
You don't say.
jetsown08 21
Hopefully, he didn't have sonic diarrhea and shit all over you.
Bob88rob 1
Sounds like a crappy situation!
jetsown08 21
Quite original! It's even funnier the 85,000th time you see it!
supportcommand 17
YDI for having kids. Comes with the territory. Dogs are way better. Housebroken by 3 months. Feed the same food everyday. And you can put them in a cage if they're bad. FYL.
jetsown08 21
Hmm? I feed my kids the same thing everyday and cage them when they're bad, I don't know what you're talking about...
subwaysurfers 13
30- I'm on the phone with CPS right now. You're in big trouble young man.
teyyoshi 19
MILF？ i like it...
zaynismylove 2
I would be scared to