Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, after a stressful series of events, I went to the beach to unwind. I sat on the sand, breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of inner peace. Then a seagull shat on me. FML
Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in a park when I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I'd stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML
Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
Today, I went tanning on the beach. I found a nice spot close to shore and laid there with my towel and sunglasses. A few hours later, I awoke to waves splashing at me. My towel was soaked and my sunglasses must have washed off the shore. Damn high tide. FML
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Top comments
RhiannonD 0
Why would your boyfriend squeeze a blob of sunscreen and just leave it like that on your leg?
LilKonvicted 0
Haven't you heard?? Bird is the word
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Comments (85)
sumu 0
Haha LMAO!... Sorry but seriously bird poop being confused with sun screen... Was your boyfriend around? Did you ask him why he would just leave a glop of sun screen on you instead of rubbing it on you?... I agree with # 33 and 34 completely.
omgitsseejay 0
at least it wasn't C*M
p89hg69 0
"Thinking it was my boyfriend who was ***sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me***, I rubbed it into my leg." that's some logic
ebbasaur 0
HAHAHAHAHA, to #6 and #8. lol. Bah, Bird bird bird bird is the word. I said a bird bird bird bah bird is the word! LOL!
happycat_fml 0
How do you know what bird poop smells like? I guess maybe you know what sunscreen smells like and you realized that stuff didn't smell tropical and good? lol I know you had just woken up, but the logic seems off here.
latuka 0
awe man, the word blob is what gets me most.
rt523 0
well atleast its easily washed off... my bf decided it would be funny to draw a huge dick with sunscreen on my back when i fell asleep on the beach...there was a dick on my back for a month (though i did get him back by putting bleach and lemon in his styling gel before we went out on the beach the next day)
rakhil11 7
well, @ least u could wash it off right away as u were @ the beach, right? ^^
dreamer2 0
lol!
playful2088 0
how the hell do you confuse bird shit for sunscreen?! they're not even the same texture!! you totally deserved it.