Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, after a stressful series of events, I went to the beach to unwind. I sat on the sand, breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of inner peace. Then a seagull shat on me. FML
Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in a park when I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I'd stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML
Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
Today, I went tanning on the beach. I found a nice spot close to shore and laid there with my towel and sunglasses. A few hours later, I awoke to waves splashing at me. My towel was soaked and my sunglasses must have washed off the shore. Damn high tide. FML
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Top comments
RhiannonD 0
Why would your boyfriend squeeze a blob of sunscreen and just leave it like that on your leg?
LilKonvicted 0
Haven't you heard?? Bird is the word
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Comments (85)
venom7 0
hahaha #8! That was awesomeeeeeeeeeeeee
tdawgheath 0
1, what everyone said, random blob = dumb But in addition, how the hell does a bird create enough to think that it's enough to cover your whole body with the stuff? did he have a huge meal?
CaptainJellyBean 0
I used to have Banana Boat sunscreen and when I'd squeeze some out, it was lumpy and really did look somewhat like bird poo. So stop harassing the OP about it. Hehe at "Bird is the Word".
chococool223 0
AHAH! that sucks :,)
ful_fml 0
If there's one thing I've learned from this site , it's that all birds are assholes! When they aren't knocking people out, the little bastards are ******** on them.
dragonmystik3030 0
they say its good luck to be shit on by a bird, just ask my ex gf hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Tj_8 0
at that point id just go wash it off in the water...
planetearth 0
you thought it was sweet for your bf to leave a gloop of sunscreen on your leg?
patray_angel 0
I agree with the others, I don't get why you thought your bf just left a glob of sunscreen on you. It is hard to say how long you would have slept for, had it been sunscreen, you would have ended up with an odd suntan. Although, I guess in your defense you had just woke up and obviously weren't thining clearly.
thaurfea 0
Actually, bird poo is brown, green, or whatever color the food the bird ate is. The white stuff is guano, essentially bird piss. Take comfort in that; urine is sterile, so you at least weren't rubbing any more germs into your skin.