Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at my brother's graduation. His mom was taking pictures of him in his cap and gown, but she got a picture of me sucking off a Coke bottle for a laugh, and she posted it on Facebook. FML
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML
Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
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Top comments
sawdy 0
your dad is a BBEAST!!!!!!!!!
shaniqualee 2
Suck the foam off
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Comments (228)
notsocrafty 0
hilarious! was it a catholic school?
gbhlaughingstock 0
Haha no it was a public school, but I just got back from Japan so I was TRYING to make a good first impression on everyone. xD
TurdMonkey 0
that is an AWESOME first impression. now everyone knows your dad is a supa freak and hopefully all the chicks will assume it runs in the family
sublime93 0
Hey! Where's the little gold award thing that OP's get when they comment?
Ozmat 0
on the right...
Crazee108 3
AAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH!!!! God that made my day. how lame. =(
somethingawesome 9
It'll be okay. Just be patient.
Vitamin_C 0
HAHA! Epic win!
heygirlheyyyyy 0
this is the first fml in a very long time that has made me literally laugh out loud, i even snorted. thanks. ^^
cuteguyoO 0
lolroflmaolololhahalklroflmaololzharofllolololwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtflolololroflmao
JillianIsLoveee 0
WIN
survivalism 0
Your dad's awesome.
Ringoisastarr 0
THIS IS ******* HILARIOUS. Thank you for brightening my day.
shananigans 0
I actually LOL'd at this one. Great FML.
pieofchrist 0
lol! I hope he wasn't saying that with the knowledge of what it sounds like..... oh parents. what an infinate source of emberasment.