Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at my brother's graduation. His mom was taking pictures of him in his cap and gown, but she got a picture of me sucking off a Coke bottle for a laugh, and she posted it on Facebook. FML
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML
Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
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Top comments
sawdy 0
your dad is a BBEAST!!!!!!!!!
shaniqualee 2
Suck the foam off
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Comments (228)
shaniqualee 2
Suck the foam off
tpag3r 0
DAD WIN! you should consider yourself lucky your parents arent embarrassing in a worse way
sawdy 0
your dad is a BBEAST!!!!!!!!!
kingston52 0
You were at a school dinner.... ... in august?
sportastef 0
Why is having a school dinner in August weird? My school started 2 weeks ago. In the south, school starts way earlier.
gbhlaughingstock 0
Yeah, I'm in Chesapeake, Virginia. Haha the only reason why I don't mind saying it on the Internet is because there are freaking millions of people in this city... xD
NGM_47 0
"in the south, school starts way earlier." No, it doesn't! We haven't started yet =P
moonshine_bek 2
What is all this family dinner at school business? I'm from Britain and we have nothing like it!
Jacobt24 19
I'm in America and don't know what that is
mags421 0
Having a school dinner is like a fundraiser to get money for the school! We had them all the time!!
ilikeyourturtle 4
I don't think we do in Canada either.. not that I've heard of
Suaria 38
Well I think it depends on the school. My high school for the last two years has started on the 15th of August. Of course I don't even live in the south, but North West of America in the Bay Area.
DevilDoodle 0
HAHAHA! Your dad shouldn't known better... but that's FUNNY AS ****.
something41 0
how is "****" funny?
RJB 0
HOLY SHIT How is shit holy? JESUS CHRIST What does Jesus have to do with this? **** you Why do you want to do me? They are just phrases that in our society of our time Funny as **** is understood as really funny. btw urban dictionary ftw.
crazy_bipolar 0
ahaha you're my hero. i hate smartass's like that
Mandog222 0
Many ppl have asked me are u gay for saying **** you and i say i'm using it as a ******* insult but they're just being smart asses
jessii_fml 1
did u really have to get literal on the comment? jeez. just an expression.
777_alex_777 0
AHAHAHA u just made my day! thx 4 pointing that out =)
hobosaresexy 0
I love you.
SaintJimmy 0
That's what she said bwahhahahaha! @#1: GTFO pedophile.
92910bg 4
I have no idea what she's talking about
kissa148 3
hahahahha, that is so funny,
Mr_Tuff_Guy 0
LMFAO!!! WIN!
mhmmhmgood 0
THATS WHAT HE SAIDDDDDDD!!!!!!
parabola 0
um yes..thats what he DID say
xrrekcuhp 0
win.
becccers 14
WOW, thank you SO much for clearing that up. I was quite confused.
notlovingit 0
im sorry i died laughing ur dad should know better ;)
DeathByFalchion 0
Hahahahahahahaha...more like **** HER life.
Sun_Kissed18 25
Hahhahaha ooh lighten up :) its funny!