Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed. Not knowing who it was, I kicked him in the face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking for his mother. FML
Today, I was pooping in a public toilet and a kid had walked in on me. I then heard him tell his dad, "It's okay, I didn't see anything, he was fat so his chubby legs hid it." FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML
Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML
Today, my 5 year old-son and I went out for a walk. As I was looking in a shop's window display, I turned around to see my son pooping into an open manhole on the street. FML
Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML
Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML
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Top comments
bluejello2001 18
How in the fuzzy blue hell did you mistake a small child for a grown adult? Even if all you can see is part of a face, the size and its proximity to the ground is a pretty good hint.
Dorothy Horsman 8
good job! anyone peeping needs to learn. I have two children that are teenagers and i TAUGHT THEM not to do that. that kid learned the hard way
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Comments (21)
Jackey 29
...the birth of a phobia, or a fetish...
bluejello2001 18
How in the fuzzy blue hell did you mistake a small child for a grown adult? Even if all you can see is part of a face, the size and its proximity to the ground is a pretty good hint.
Dorothy Horsman 8
so by your words you will wait to double check who is peeping on you? soooooo glad you feel so comfortable
Henry8cooper 15
I will only speak for myself - but yes - would wait - and maybe even chat a little with the peeper just to make sure the peeper wasn't too traumatized by the sight 😂
RichardPencil 32
Somehow or another, I think the trauma of getting kicked in the head by a stranger is less severe than witnessing your parent mid-shit.
Dorothy Horsman 8
good job! anyone peeping needs to learn. I have two children that are teenagers and i TAUGHT THEM not to do that. that kid learned the hard way
Henry8cooper 15
So - kicking kids in the head is the authorized way to teach them?
Inkoseh 33
A 5 year old in a new place, even if taught, knowledge goes out the window if they're scared or anxious. Congrats, yours were never in that situation to begin with or they are perfect A+ angels incapable of mistakes! Sure doesn't mean they deserve to have their face kicked in. You'd be singing a different tune if your 5yo was on the floor crying and bleeding; who knows what broken on face. But! Your kids are perfect! And any Kindergartner deserves assault for a mistake! My bad!
PhoenixChick 26
a) not everyone has kids b) OP never said their kids, if they had one, were perfect c) OP clearly didn't know it was a kid and just reacted to someone peeping on them taking a shit d) The fact that OP is posting here, about how they kicked a kid in the head without realizing it, is pretty clear indiciation that they aren't feeling great about this outcome. Do you think eveyrone who posts on this site is bragging or something? e) when you have a child, the rest of the world around you does nto suddenly get parenting instincts regarding YOUR child. We don't all tiptoe around our lives just in case your kid does something stupid, we're going to react to situatoins without the filter of "but what if it's a kid!" constantly in our heads. If your child runs up and surprises a recently returned army vet with ptsd, they might get the same reaction anyoen would who does that- and it isn't the vets fault, it's yours for letting your kid bother strangers. If someone's protective reaction is to lash out at someone spying on them on the toilet, it's not their fault that it's your kid. I'm sorry for the kid, it isn't really their fault, but it isn't OPs either. Watch your kids, people.
alycion 39
Don’t kick the baby.
user53658 15
People who 'kick someone in de head as hard as they can' should be in jail. Seriously.
Iamthebanzai22 21
Err.. And if it is done in self-defense?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I'm not saying I agree with the original comment or not but this wasn't self defense. Lol
ojosRojos 28
That just seems like a super extreme reaction. How many times have you seen or even heard of an adult literally sticking their heads under a stall door to sneak a peek? Seems like something only a child would do. An adult would try to be more discreet about it. I’d give a verbal warning and in that time I’d take a beat to see who was intruding before literally kicking them in the face.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
That it doesn't happen often doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I've had teenagers try and slide under the door of the stall I'm in because it "wouldn't open". Well no duh it wouldn't open, I'm in here and said as much. I also once had someone reach under and try and grab my purse in a bathroom so I'm sorry that in this case it was a child but if I was the OP, I would have reacted exactly the same way.
thomasthedankengine 11
lil shit deserved it
AmbrosiaFan 19
Though kid shouldn't be peeking under doors in bathrooms you should have at least verified it was a creepy adult perv before kicking kid in the head.
Iamthebanzai22 21
I remember learning that a reaction is basically a physical action, like screaming, slapping or kicking someone where the decision process bypasses the cognitive part of your brain. I am sure that OP did not see a hair of head under the stall door, haul back, take careful aim and let rip. This was a reaction so the decision about whether it is an adult or not did not take place. It was a perceived threat and the body took over to ensure survival.
Zor 5
yes! exactly this! people are like "well why didnt you check first" like bitch this is LITERALLY a knee jerk reaction to defend yourself in a perceived dangerous situation.