Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML
Today, I caught my stylist in the mirror attempting to get his colleague to laugh by spitting on my head while washing my hair. FML
Today, I gave a speech at my friend’s wedding. I spent weeks perfecting it, making sure it was funny but heartfelt. When I finished, I dropped the mic dramatically. It bounced off the table, hit the best man in the face, and the cable knocked his drink all over the bride’s dress. FML
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML
Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML
Today, while eating lunch, one of my friends told a joke that made everyone at the table laugh. Apparently, the guy standing behind me overheard and was laughing too. So much in fact that he spewed the red Gatorade he was drinking all over the back of my white shirt and hair. FML
Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning. As the dentist was working on my teeth, he accidentally sprayed water all over my face. I couldn't stop laughing nervously, which made the dentist think I was choking. He ended up calling for backup and I had to explain that I was just laughing. FML
Today, I was greeting some guests when I fell into the tray of tea and biscuits in front of them, with two cups of tea directly drenching my hair. They didn't laugh, they didn't chuckle, but my sister was laughing too hard and too much. I now smell like tea. FML
Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
That bitch! I hate it when they spit it up instead of swallowing it.
emilyaust 8
you shouldve turned around, taken a drink and spat in her face. then you'd be even.
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Comments (88)
ellice17 3
should have poured the rest of her drink (don't wanna waste your own now do you) down her clothes and hair and maybe if she has a phone on the table get that. good thing you didn't though coz it's kindda your fault for getting your hair done so early, you knew the risks.
Telinaa 0
How was she supposed to know that some bitch was gonna get wasted at a comedy club and spit all over her? FYL OP.
kyliebear 15
Um, she wasn't wasted. She was just drinking something and "before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all over my hair."
mrosew442 10
20- ummm... what about sleep?
lailax3 0
tough cookies hun.
korn247 5
that dumb b***h!! fyl, op
Slagathore 0
even if the OP deserves it, it still does suck! so don't just put YDI, if it sucks, click your life sucks!
mnemonicdaze 0
For the people who said she deserves it for getting her hair done the day before didn't think of the strong possibility that the op is black.
mrosew442 10
WTF does that have to do with anything? the color if her skin does not change the fact that sleep is gonna mess up your hair, and you shouldn't do it the day before
ahd94 21
I mean black people's hair is a bit different. She could have just had it permed or braided or even had extensions sewn in the day before since it takes more time to do their hair. It's not her skin color necessarily, just her hair type. Jeeze.
coco_MOO 0
ahw, fyl op. : you said tomorrow though right, soo why not redo it?
DROELOELULZ 0
YDI for having hair
PurpleAddict 0
WTF ?!
jjrebel26 0
ydi for wearing a weave
sj913 0
I agree with 4 I'd do it back to her
mintcar 10
She should've swallowed.
sourgirl101 29
"Show me how you do that trick The one that makes me scream" she said "The one that makes me laugh" she said And threw her arms around my neck "Show me how you do it And I promise you I promise that I'll run away with you I'll run away with you" I love "The Cure" too!(;
mintcar 10
I guess that means you actually understand my display name and know exactly where I got it from. Kudos to you. :)
abdel_fml 0
Mintcar, your profile image seems like the polar opposite of what I would expect based on your profile description, but in this case that's a good thing I suppose.