Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML
Today, I caught my stylist in the mirror attempting to get his colleague to laugh by spitting on my head while washing my hair. FML
Today, I gave a speech at my friend’s wedding. I spent weeks perfecting it, making sure it was funny but heartfelt. When I finished, I dropped the mic dramatically. It bounced off the table, hit the best man in the face, and the cable knocked his drink all over the bride’s dress. FML
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML
Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML
Today, while eating lunch, one of my friends told a joke that made everyone at the table laugh. Apparently, the guy standing behind me overheard and was laughing too. So much in fact that he spewed the red Gatorade he was drinking all over the back of my white shirt and hair. FML
Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning. As the dentist was working on my teeth, he accidentally sprayed water all over my face. I couldn't stop laughing nervously, which made the dentist think I was choking. He ended up calling for backup and I had to explain that I was just laughing. FML
Today, I was greeting some guests when I fell into the tray of tea and biscuits in front of them, with two cups of tea directly drenching my hair. They didn't laugh, they didn't chuckle, but my sister was laughing too hard and too much. I now smell like tea. FML
Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
That bitch! I hate it when they spit it up instead of swallowing it.
emilyaust 8
you shouldve turned around, taken a drink and spat in her face. then you'd be even.
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Comments (88)
hansbaby 0
why did you get your hair done a day before, it will just get ruined when you go to bed?
hummygirl 0
ydi for going to a comedy club after getting your hair done for a wedding. seriously who gets their hair done for a special occasion and then goes out to a club? getting your hair done too expensive to risk it.
moodyreallyrocks 27
Or….ice breaker! LOL Seriously, I am sorry, that sucks....
Abizzle08 1
X
fantasyworld 39
Who gets their hair done the day before?
writerchic85 26
Were you not planning on laying down to sleep? Because it seems odd that you would have your hair done a day before the wedding instead of the day of.
WorldClassFvckUp 13
Why would you get your hair done the day before? How do you plan on sleeping?