Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, at my mom's house, my daughter came running up to me with some sort of love heart hair band, demanding to wear it straight away. After a solid 30 seconds trying to figure out how the band fit around a child's head it started vibrating. It was my mom's sex toy from her bedside drawer. FML
Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML
Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML
Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML
Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
Today, I was sitting on my 70 year-old grandmother's bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen, it started vibrating. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
"MOM! Your new lipstick tastes funny!"
6sick6 4
"Mom, why does your lipstick taste like a ******?" "How do you know what a ****** tastes like?" ..Awkward silence..
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Comments (119)
uzee 29
you actually put it on your lips before figuring out it could vibrate - dumb ppl everywhere
GangstaGalahleio 0
grottyyyy!!
SoulBaby 0
wth all of u r ass holes disgusting
strawberry6826 0
vibrators come that small that you mistaken it for lipstick? o_Ο
Jonscarl 0
it's a clit vibrator that's why it's so small.
Djosef_fml 0
Why on earth would you share lipstick with someone? Or sharing a lollypop, a toothbrush, the same glass? You don't do that unless you enjoy sharing your saliva, cold, flu, and herpese. Hello? Basic hygene?
xNephilim 19
Really? It's OPs mom. After being pushed out of someone's ******, I wouldn't too much worry about their germs.
Herox 0
lol yeah imagine going to your mom and you for got you tried it,"Sweetie why does your breath smell like a zoo" "Aaaah mom why do YOU smell like a zoo...." >.> AWKWARD XD
Lollyman 2
Some people don't know but there are actualy some vibrators that look exactly like lipstick, that way women can carry it in their bags. I have seen it online in sex shops. So funny!
gigi03 5
Lol
Enzo158 0
Not for the lips on your face I see!