Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, at my mom's house, my daughter came running up to me with some sort of love heart hair band, demanding to wear it straight away. After a solid 30 seconds trying to figure out how the band fit around a child's head it started vibrating. It was my mom's sex toy from her bedside drawer. FML
Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML
Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML
Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML
Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
Today, I was sitting on my 70 year-old grandmother's bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen, it started vibrating. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
"MOM! Your new lipstick tastes funny!"
6sick6 4
"Mom, why does your lipstick taste like a ******?" "How do you know what a ****** tastes like?" ..Awkward silence..
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Comments (119)
lunenburgchick 4
SUCKS TO BE YOU. DUMBASS
YourAllTowels 0
what a bitch ^
Juliaa15 6
^agreed.
WhatTheFuq 0
^ She needs a vibrator in the ass.
articunoftw97 0
^agreed
JB486 0
towlieeeeeeeee
DjeePee 25
YDI for sneeping in others peoples stuff, trying something on that isn't yours and not knowing the difference between a lipstick and a vibrator.
mfmylifesrsly 30
um, how could she have known the difference? its one of those vibrators disguised as lipstick
DocBastard 40
Is sneeping a combination of snooping and peeping? :)
allmidnighteyes 11
Maybe you could also write that as pooping? Oh, wait..
perdix 31
For best results, apply it to your other lips.
Doortje 30
win :D
wwerulez14 6
Perdix=Win.
seldom66 16
legend
ItalianFilipino 0
perdix always makes my day (:
TibbysMusic 1
This made me lawl much more than I already was :D
jucieysuzy 0
hahaha wooww u just made my day
HomeAl0ne 20
Actually, I had an image of mom out somewhere cursing the fact that the batteries have died. Then she holds up what she assumed was her new vibrator and looks at it closely, pauses with a puzzled look, glances down at her crotch and sighs....
Trollz4daLULZ 2
YDI for saying "I opened it, baffled" instead of "baffled, I opened it", for dyking out with your mom and forgetting the very tools you two shared, for wearing makeup, and for even having a mom at all.
randomnameflob 0
she was baffled before it started vibrating. I say YDI for not having a brain.
Bano360 25
trollz is an idiot. she couldn't have been baffled before she opened it
easwhitey 0
Ydi for stealing. Get your own lipstick/lip gloss and quit trying on stuff that doesn't belong to you. People going through my stuff is extremely aggrevating
Terezi 0
Jesus Christ, this. I haaaaaate it when people go through my sturr, especially without asking. Get a job and buy your own damn makeup.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
I hate it when people go through my sturr too. I also hate it when hurr a durr durr.
Terezi 0
Of course, because typos -certainly- don't happen.
DocBastard 40
Terezi, I highly suggest you let it go. You can't win an argument with a troll, especially Trollz. He doesn't fight fair.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
Only retrads make typos.
allmidnighteyes 11
They don't happen if you proofread you're post's.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
A little proofreading goes a ling way.
DocBastard 40
Trollz - you mispelled "proofreading."
jjames7543 13
proofreading is spelled perfectly fine in their post. now I don't believe I know what "ling" means :P
allmidnighteyes 11
No… just no… Get out.
DocBastard 40
Midnight, do what I do - roll your eyes, heave a mighty sigh, and repeatedly jab the jjames voodoo doll with needles. I'm doing the eyes now, so I suggest you start with the chest.
randomnameflob 0
A chinese unit for measuring distance. its about 1/6 of a mile.
hippychiccx 0
25 - WIN.
iheartglasses 0
Well now you know how realistic those vibrators are made to look like lipquick :) Keep that in your memory bank to buy some time lol
yeahiknow0 0
Haha it obviosly isn't !
iCreate 10
Ouch...
JERZBornNRaised 7
kinky hahaha
Trollz4daLULZ 2
...and yet you did it anyway. I must admit, those frilly panties suited you well!