Today, for the third time in 3 months, my pregnant wife woke me up by slapping me because I cheated on her in her dreams. I would never cheat on my wife, and she blames it on "pregnancy brain." There's still 5 months to go. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML
Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML
Today, my husband jolted in bed and while still half-asleep said, "I had a nightmare; I dreamt we had a kid." I'm 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, my wife had a dream that I was in the bath with our newborn baby. In the dream, I threw the baby out like a football. She can't get the image out of her head and won't forgive me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I got her pregnant and didn't own up to it. I wouldn't have blamed her if it didn't actually happen in her dream. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, my pregnant wife has been crying for hours after she found out that I’d slept with the woman who does her ultrasounds. That woman happened to have been my prom date nearly 20 years ago and I had no idea she moved back in town, let alone worked for our doctor. FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
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Top comments
JillianJuneBug 39
Being pregnant is no excuse for domestic abuse.
Chazzster 32
Wife needs to see a psychologist. Anyone can have disturbing dreams, but to slap your sleeping partner while you are awake because of your dream is not part of a normal pregnancy or relationship.
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Comments (7)
JillianJuneBug 39
Being pregnant is no excuse for domestic abuse.
RichardPencil 32
You've earned a few hall passes. You've done the time, so now you can do the crime.
Chazzster 32
Wife needs to see a psychologist. Anyone can have disturbing dreams, but to slap your sleeping partner while you are awake because of your dream is not part of a normal pregnancy or relationship.
JasonThorn 23
Next time she does it, look at her, say in a deep voice, "BATTLE HAS BEEN JOINED"...and slap her right back.
Yudith 28
Two words: separate bedrooms.
Louis Brunelle 5
Warning! Divorce her. She will never get better and certainly get worse. You will never be able to help/look at/be polite at another woman without her being jealous. You will always be accused of flirting no matter what. Your life will be miserable.
1known 34
You’re sure the baby is yours?