Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML
Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said, "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML
Today, I saw a bike locked to a short bollard, making it very easy to steal. Being as nice as I am, I stayed, hoping the owner would come soon and no one else would take it. Then the guy who bullied me in highschool showed up, asked me what I was doing, laughed at me, took the bike, and left. FML
Today, I saw a man on my bike that was stolen a few years ago. I asked him if I could have my bike back just wondering what he'd say. He calmly replied, "Hell no, I stole this fair and square." FML
Today, someone had put a lock on my bike. While I was trying to saw it off, the police drove by. I was arrested for trying to steal a bike and released four hours later when they figured out that it was actually my bike. FML
Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen, so I went to work. On my walk to work, a girl pulls up on my bike and says I needed to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. She hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass before police surrounded me and accused me of stealing my own bike. FML
Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML
Today, I saw a blond-haired guy crouched by my bike fiddling with something as I came back from the shop. Thinking he was a thief, I slammed him across the head with my helmet, knocked him over - then I realised not only was he a kid barely in his teens, he was tying his shoes. FML
Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML
Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML
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Top comments
FMLpuppy 3
Next time throw your closed fist at his face.
anonymousguy1569_fml_fml 8
It wouldn't have hurt though, it's a soft drink :)
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Comments (76)
anonymousguy1569_fml_fml 8
It wouldn't have hurt though, it's a soft drink :)
berichsoon 11
Bike inspector! That sounds cool. I wonder if you have to go to school for that?
token_blackguy 18
I think you need a 9 month certification course.
kxxjoejoexxk 8
I heard you could get a bachelors in bike safety
CrazyChickens721 5
You have to admit that it was a pretty good save on his part!!
jimbob_76592 5
Yea that's pretty quick thinking and it came out pretty damn funny
AssTard 15
What would have made this funnier (on our part) would be if OP actually believed him.
BlackBlazeCobra 16
Being covered in soda is better than having your bike stolen. Think of it as a weird victory!
Harpy20 24
Was he black? [Disclaimer: It's not racist for me to ask...being black and all.]
untouchable763 10
At least you still have your bike eh.
AssTard 15
19- Yeah, I'm glad that hoser didn't steal his bike, eh.
RedstoneEditor 3
Canadian, nice
evig_fml 16
Not gonna lie, I was hoping this first comment was going to be some type of witty pun, thanks for dropping the ball on my hopes and dreams though...
rahavan 15
I'm disgusted with 2 comment. Does that help 21?
rahavan 15
Oh god damn I misread 2's name and can't delete or edit my comment >.> THANKS IPOD.
Satoaoi 13
lol what a moron