Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML
Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was, "Nice weather?" FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
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Top comments
Dthsapprntc 23
You moved in on his territory, of course he is going to be pissed at you.
Pleonasm 36
"Idiot says pussy." Very strategic name, OP, let's see if it pays off in the comments.
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Comments (108)
SuperMew 22
It sounds like the cat was scared by the noises you were making. I would start trying to associate yourself with things that are not dangerous or scary. Get a cat toy (a mouse on a string, something that keeps your hands away from him) and try to play with him. Ask if you can feed him treats when he sees you. The more he associates you with good things, the less likely he will be to savage you. Try also watching Cat from Hell, helped me with a troublesome cat.
Jesster22 3
You Ma'am are the old lady with the cats
ExplodingNarwhal 8
At first I read girlfriend as grandma (/•_•)/ Ew.
dachayke 16
I feel so sorry for you!
McFlurzzXD 8
niiiiiicee..... now I have that image in my head. FML
Readoll 13
Don't leave your clothes on the floor, the cat will start pissing on it
JMichael 26
No more pussy for you OP.
perdix 31
Plan A: Establish yourself as the alpha male by forcefully repelling the cat attacks until he becomes submissive and accepts your rule. Plan B: Antifreeze.
Kitsi 14
you're so cool and edgy. murdering innocent animals horribly is hilarious...
worldclassrager 41
Looks like the cat will be put in another room...
brandoneyez1 25
Cat thinks you tried to hurt your gf. They see jumping and don't know what it is and they can only conclude you tried to hurt their owner.
awkwardloveannie 28
he wanted to be the only pussy in your life
YoZesto 7
Gives new meaning to "beat the pussy up".
SuckMeBeautifu1 24
That pussy saw you put it in the wrong hole bro. Aim better next time ;l