Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML
Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was, "Nice weather?" FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Dthsapprntc 23
You moved in on his territory, of course he is going to be pissed at you.
Pleonasm 36
"Idiot says pussy." Very strategic name, OP, let's see if it pays off in the comments.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (108)
dachayke 16
This comment marks the end of the awful pussy jokes. I hope.
skipper2009 18
Guess not...
TXFernwoods 26
Tell it very sternly, to **** off.
dachayke 16
I like how your profile pic is a dog.
aznpeaks 7
The cat expected more from OP? Naw but seriously, the cat probably sees you as a danger to his/her owner
martin8337 36
Jealous pussy.
Threedog0214 6
You defile the pussy the pussy defiles you.
Meld86 12
Cat from hell
MikeyScene420 17
Two ******* now own you.
rs7797 9
you sure you ****** the right pussy., or both?
Ermony 3
That pussy wasnt very good at all was ?
MrConcise 35
My cat used to sleep between me and my girlfriend, cuddling with me to separate us and did the same when things started moving towards sex.