Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML
Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was, "Nice weather?" FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
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Top comments
Dthsapprntc 23
You moved in on his territory, of course he is going to be pissed at you.
Pleonasm 36
"Idiot says pussy." Very strategic name, OP, let's see if it pays off in the comments.
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Comments (108)
HueyMcLeon 6
lol
0h_Boy 26
So, the pussy is pissed because you violated the pussy?
BabyrooKid 11
Now you know why they call it Cat Scratch Fever.
ChristianH39 30
So many pussy comments, so many downvotes
Epikouros 32
Very pussy, much idiot.
dunebro 15
I thought it said grandma the first time I read it.
Epikouros 32
WTF? You're the third. Why does everybody suddenly fantasize about having sex with their grandma?
CupOfCoffee 14
This is why I like dogs.
6FootUnder 11
Battle of the ******* lol.
Trickiest_K 9
Not aww ******* are accommodating ;)
obri98 10
Doesn't matter, still had sex.
Jebitesevsi 11
You have to make friends with pussy.